Why I Have To Be Right

Through the ups and downs I keep only one thing in mind. “I have to be right!”

The last three years have been some of the most difficult in my life. Having just turned 30 I am starting to realize the finite nature of life and have really spent a lot of time questioning my decisions, life choices and overall purpose.

Over the last three years I have experienced divorce, financial hardships, and made 2 cross state moves. I’ve worked as a lifeguard, worked for a sweat-shop sales organization and managed the kitchen from hell. Add in a questionable character decision here and there and we’ll… lets just say that the university of life has taught me some pretty valuable lessons.

A lost soul searching for purpose.

Most people look at this set of “experiences” and use it to define who they think I am or what they think I am capable of. They see a college drop out who had a few good years in insurance and hasn’t been able to keep a job since.

They fail to see the man these experiences have made me. They overlook the year in car sales which taught me the love of sales and exposed me to the furnace that is Florida summer first hand selling cars all day in a tie. They don’t see the 20 year old kid who moved 1000 miles from home with 100 bucks in his pocket and a desire to find something more exciting and a dream to do and be someone… something… different.

They don’t want to know the guy who failed in life at 27 and moved back home to live in mommy’s basement for 2 years. The humility and desperation I felt after the divorce. Alone, lost and depressed. How close I was to being completely broken by my fall from grace. They force me to I hide this part of my life from the world as if it were an ugly scar, when in reality it is a major part of what defines me.

They wouldn’t understand the complexity of my education. The diversity of my experience. The uniqueness of my skill set. They can’t see that this whole time has been spent in preparation, that I have been training. Not for a triathlon but for an endurance event none the less. For a period of life that lies not far ahead. A time where a problem will be faced in which the indispensable nature of my seemingly erratic experiences will become unmistakably apparent.

Go get a job!

I hear it all the time. For the last three years I have heard this in one form or another from most everyone around me. But I refuse. I have given up everything. My friends, my love, my sanity to chase this dream. I’ve put it all my chips on red and spun the shit out of this roulette wheel called life.

What is your super power?

I am inexplicably driven to produce, to create, to learn and devour information and experiences from the world around me. If I could have chosen my super power, it would have been the ability to control time. Instead I was given the ability to absorb experiences from others. I am able to take from the world around me, experiences along with education and project it back at the world in the form of creative innovation and inspiration. A super power that could only exist in real life, and one that might eventually give me the chance to fly and truly be free.

So you see, I have to be right. I have no choice but to see this thing through. I will complete this journey for the fear of turning around only to find that I was closer to completion that I am in retreat.