Happiness will elude you until you realize that the only way to truly find it is to quit looking for it.
Everyone feels it, at least every once in a while. The feeling of solitude. That feeling that you are all alone in this world can take over your life no matter how many people you surround yourself with. Sometimes it makes you want to run, sometimes it makes you want to hide and other times it makes you question the meaning of life.
There is no worse a feeling than being let down by a person who means something to you. Someone who you trusted with your emotional well being, who has let you down or fallen short of your expectations, maybe you are the one who regularly does the letting down so you don’t understand the pain you leave in your wake but nothing hurts more than the disappointment brought on by the people we care about most.
Sometimes it doesn’t even take someone else to let you down. We are often the worst offenders in our own emotional roller coasters. We build our world up in our heads like other people in the world give a fuck about us more than we care about ourselves.
We then get disappointed when our expectations of others leave us feeling like a used condom in the waste basket of a philandering menace who only uses us for their situational gratification.
We rely on the company and commitment of others as if the only way we can find happiness is to be surrounded by others who seem to be more happy than us. How often we pretend to live in a world where our problems are the only problems, expecting that the people around us care about what is truly happening inside our heads. Like our world is the only world and to find fulfillment means to surround yourself with other people who are willing to set their life on pause with the sole intention of making you feel better about yours.
Shame on us!
Who are we to put that much control in the hands of the people around us. Why should our happiness be the responsibility of anyone other than ourselves. Why would we pretend that anyone else around us cares even a bit about the true pain inside us when in reality they are working just as hard to keep their inner pain from being exposed to the world. Trying to refrain from betraying the fact that they are weaker than they admit and that in reality they are as dependent on us to be strong as we are on them.
So we run.
Some people run to alcohol or drugs, others run to another state. Either way, whether emotional or physical, people try to distance themselves from the pain of facing the fact that happiness is an individual quest. It is not something that others can give you or something that happens because you wish it. Happiness is not something that you can learn by watching others or something you can buy online. It is something you have to discover on your own, away from others, away from the clutter of following suit and fitting in.
No matter where you run or how far you bury yourself, happiness is something that remains elusive until you are willing to let it find you. Until you quit questing to find it in the company of others or looking for it in the folds of your wallet. It is something that will purposely elude and evade you until the time comes where you are closest to letting it pass you up all together.
It is in that state, when you have finally decided that you can be miserable no more that you might eventually find it. Not because you deserve it but because you have accepted that there is no other way to get it.