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The Never Ending Quest for Purpose

This article is a modified version of a post I made in my journal a while back. If you enjoy it, please share it with a friend who might need to hear the same words.

It’s how I make my living, and it’s the best compliment you could ever pay me.

The last six years have been the most difficult years of my life.

At 32, I am already acutely aware of life’s finite nature, and I often find myself questioning the purpose of my entire existence.

I’ve always been a deep thinker, but sometimes you need time to pass in order to clearly see the points on your path towards purpose. To be able to look back and realize how many of those little moments ended up becoming the beginning of something much bigger.

Exploring those thoughts is what prompted me to start this blog, and has allowed me to learn more about myself than I ever wanted to know. It has been the best therapy anyone could ever ask for and recently, it allowed me to understand how much certain events have changed the entire trajectory of my life. A picture that only became clear to me ten years after its full effect had been felt.

Long after the decision to drop out of college or the nights I wasted drinking and gambling the pain away in a pool hall as opposed to dealing with the pain directly.

Long after my first move to Florida, or any of the other seemingly random decisions which have lead me to my current path.

A path that was riddled with impulsive behavior, squandered success, missed opportunities, marriage, divorce, financial hardships, and five cross-state moves.

I’ve worked as a lifeguard, spent almost 10 years as a “sales-slave”, almost subjected myself to a career as an empty suit, and even spent some time as a kitchen bitch. Add in some questionable character decision, and well, let’s just say that the university of life has taught me some pretty interesting lessons.

A lost soul searching for purpose.

Most people look at this set of “experiences” and use it to define who they think I am, or what they think I am capable of.

They see a college dropout who had a few good years in insurance sales, and hasn’t been able to keep a job since. They see a smart kid with some potential, but they fail to see the real me.

They don’t see the tenacity it takes for a 20 year old to move 1,000 miles from home, with nothing more than $100 bucks in his pocket and a desire to change the world. They do not see the unending desire to do, to be, someone… something… special.

Related: 7 Reasons Why You Will Never Do Anything Amazing With Your Life

They don’t take the time to get to know the guy who failed in life at 27 and had to move back home to mommy’s basement for 2 years while getting back on his feet.

They don’t appreciate the humility and desperation I felt after learning about my ex-wife’s affair, the struggles with addiction, and the lack of communication which ultimately led to our divorce.

They do not understand the amount of time I spent alone, lost, and depressed. They can never know what it feels like to come that close to ending it all.

Which is why I share these personal posts publicly

Because I feel like not enough of us walk around willing to be weak. Willing to show off the pain in order to allow others an opportunity to find strength in that weakness.

As if we were not allowed to share these parts of ourselves with the world. As if we might become too powerful if we all realized that we are all fractured in one way or another.

If we could relinquish the fear of what others think of us, or how we might be judged, and then came together as a powerful Frankenstein of individuality. A collective of miscellaneous parts, all with the same purpose.

But the popular world we live in forces us to hide these parts of ourselves, from everyone. As if the world saw them only as ugly scars instead of looking at them as a beautiful part of what defines each of us as individuals.

For me, these experiences are what give me the strength to stand here in front of you, naked, but not afraid!

Which leads me to the purpose of this post

One of my more popular articles over the last few years deals with the concept of finding your real world superpower.

If I could have picked my superpower, it would have been the ability to fly, or control time. Instead I was given the ability to leverage my art and my words in a way that allows me to instantly share my unique thoughts and ideas with millions of people all around the world.

Which in its own way, is kind of like traveling through time…

It’s a power which leaves me feeling inexplicably driven to produce. To create and devour information.

Like a human version of Google, I aim to ingest as many thoughts and ideas as I can, in order to more clearly form my own opinions. Because the more I test my so called “crazy thoughts”, the more I realize that they might not be that crazy after all.

As if the more I share, the more I realize that we are all the same. And in that quest, I have found my purpose.

In the idea that I might be able to openly explore the struggles in my life in an attempt to help you find direction in yours. In the idea that I might inspire even one other person towards their path, and that they might in-turn, do the same for someone else.

So I’m not sure where this path will lead me over the next few years, but I’ll keep pushing forward in order to see it through to the end. If only for the fear of turning around, only to find that I was closer to completion than I am in retreat.

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God Sent Me To Piss The World Off

People get so offended when you challenge their thought process. Me? I live for it.

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The Desire For More

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or here to explore the other posts in this series.

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You hate it. Every time you have to go in on a Saturday or stay late on a weekday. Every time you have to work a few extra hours to get the job done. You are “so much better than all of this!”

You’re not perfect but life is hard and others wouldn’t understand what you’re going through. I mean, your story is different. You are hurting inside, more than I could ever imagine.

If only the world could see… they’d have to understand… Wouldn’t they?

You want that great schedule and kick ass career, but just can’t seem to get your ass in gear.

You deserve a raise. You feel undervalued. But you continue to give the world nothing to appreciate.

You keep spinning your wheels while repressing the superhero inside of you.

You know it’s in there. You feel it stirring. Trying to shine, dying to be seen.

Waiting for the moment you decide to let it out. When you finally let go of all that self doubt.

But don’t believe the lies. They just aren’t true. Whatever you are in this world, is up to no one but you.

“Oh and, I just talked to your boss… he said your raise is effective just as soon as you are!”

P.s. You’re fired! – With cause.

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So now what? Where will you turn? Will you go back to work and continue to yearn?

Or come out on your own, and show the whole world you’ve actually grown.

Because education is great, but don’t let it fool you, out on the street, the real world will school you!

You want things you are unwilling to give. To set yourself free, to let yourself live.

Stuck in a box, a corner of life. Stuck on repeat. Stuck on strife.

Tell me you hate it, keep on complaining, show me your tears, I’m patiently waiting.

To show you the way, to gain your trust. To give you knowledge and a new type of lust.

Not one for sex or selfish desire, but one of accomplishment, one to aspire!

I’ll push you to work, but not for the machine. And I’ll help you accomplish your wildest dream!

I’ll show you that you are the thing, standing in between you and succeed.

You and your stubborn reluctance to feed. On all that’s around you, on all that you need.

But soon you will starve and then you will see, the lessons of life, the lessons you need.

To get you through, to help you exceed. To be the best you-to-the-world you could possibly be.

Nothing more that what you need, Let me in, I’m just planting the seed.

So water away, and together we’ll see, that we all have the tools, to set ourselves free!

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Stop Waiting For Permission

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or here to explore the other posts in this series.

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I want everyone who reads this post to do one thing today. Actually, you should do it this very second.

I want you to quit pretending like there is going to be a moment where someone walks over to you and says “Hey there, It’s your turn to be amazing today!”

Stop pretending like things are going to get better on their own, or that a business is just going to build itself, simply because you had a great idea.

Stop waiting for the light to turn green. Just look to both sides to make sure there’s at least a shot of making it across the intersection and run the damn light! Why the hell is there a light there anyway?

As soon as you can do that, you are one step closer to becoming the real you. Closer to being the person you were always meant to be.

So right freaking meow, before you move another muscle. I want you to…

Stop waiting for permission to pursue your dreams.

I want you to stop doubting yourself and give in to your inner winner.

I want you to stop talking in the mirror as if you hated yourself, and start telling yourself something specific you want to accomplish each day.

I want you to stop yourself every time you try to bring yourself down. Stop letting the world inside of your mind run over you. Seriously, quit that shit.

Quit waiting for someone to tell you what you can or cannot do in this world.

Quit thinking that you have to live your life one way or another. Quit thinking that you have to do things today the same way you did them yesterday. Quit thinking of yourself as second class.

Stop thinking that the purpose of your life is to serve as a cog in some other mans machine. Sure, some people make great cog’s, but not you.

Stop acting like you can’t go out tomorrow and make something happen on your own. Like you couldn’t go out right now and do something that would help you be a happier more fulfilled version of yourself.

Stop pretending that the world is not malleable. That everything you want is not within your reach. You just have to be willing to go out and grab it.

Stop thinking that you are incapable and just do it! Do something new, do something completely out of character. Surprise a friend, kiss that girl, change your routine. Do something. Anything to shake the machinery of monotony. The habits of humanity that so many of us refer to as life.

Start waking up each day with the thought that you are meant to do something special with your life. Reassure yourself that you are not just another purposeless pawn, professional this, hourly that, or salaried brat.

Quit your job and start that company you’ve been talking about. Ask that redhead on the airplane out for a date. Do something that makes life last.

Because it is in those moments that time stands still. It is in those moments that we can live forever. The brief moments in time, when we define who we are and what we will become.

So stop asking for permission. Just go out there and break some shit!

Maybe a leg, maybe a bank account. Maybe just your own ego. Whatever it is you need to break, then break it. Whatever you need to do, then do it.

Test yourself. Find out what you are capable of by pushing yourself to the brink. Because it is in that moment when you will find the person you have been looking for all along. Then, and not a second sooner.

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I Saw Myself In Another Man And Hated What I Saw

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

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Today I saw myself in another man and hated what I saw

I was in an argument that had absolutely no purpose. An argument, simply for the sake of arguing. Picking sides in a battle because I had to be right, but by the time I noticed, it was already too late.

I was too stubborn to step back and too determined to prove to myself that I was right. Because, well… I was right.

But so was he. Kind of.

And so there we sat. Both right, yelling at each other for no real reason, and then I saw it.

I saw myself.

Looking at this man I saw myself arguing with so many others over the course of my life. Defending my position because I was already emotionally committed to the argument.

Unwilling to humble myself because my macho man mechanism was in full force.

I hated that moment. It made me realize how it must feel to sit on the other side of a stubborn mule like myself. I found myself in the middle of the same argument that I must have had a hundred times before. Almost always as the immovable rock.

So as hard as it is for me to do, I tried to humble myself. I tried to take a step back but I couldn’t fully disengage. I still had enough of the old me left in the tank to try and show him how much like me he was actually being. But it was of no use.

He had no interest in having himself tell himself how much like himself he was acting.

And it was in that very moment that I grew. As if I had hit a psychological growth spurt. As I sat there dumbfounded, caught in this real life freeze-frame of a time, not long ago, when I was the one who was arguing recklessly. Oblivious to the futility of it all.

It was in that moment that I realized how childish I have been all along and quite often still am. It was in that moment that I realized there was no sense in being right if all it meant was feeling wrong.

And so it ended. Another tough lesson in this game we call life, but one we would all be well served to learn. Maybe next time, I’ll see myself in a man and like what I see. And maybe I’ll learn how to be more like him. Maybe I’ll learn to swallow my pride and take a step back. Or maybe, I’ll just do it all over again, like I have before.

After all, do any of us ever really change?

Are you a writer? Ever have a desire to write? Click the button below to learn more about my 30 day creative writing challenge and learn how you can empower yourself through your words and the words of others.

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The Desire to Create

A metaphorical post intended to inspire the creator in all of us.

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An Inspirational Illusion; The Art of Hard Work

The power of mind over matter.

This is a short video about hard work and the illusions that we sometimes imagine when we see others succeeding or doing something we think we cannot do.

For so long I have pretended to be able to solve a Rubik’s Cube when in reality, all I was doing was looking for a specific set of patterns and then executing a memorized sequence of moves in order to make the cube whole again.

A skill that anyone could learn to do if they if they put their mind to it. However, any time I did this in public, it would appear that I was solving one of the most difficult puzzles known to man.

“They would never know my secret and the illusion of intellect is a powerful sword to swing.”

So often in life we give up on ourselves because we automatically presume that we are not smart enough, fast enough, tall enough or strong enough.Whatever the self imposed hurdle might be, it is usually set by we.

The individual has become weak and it is about time we started believing in ourselves again. It is about time we admit that we are usually the biggest reason for why we cant get anything done in life and then start doing something about that.

After making that realization, we can actually start to move past ourselves and towards success.

Video Script

I wrote the script for this video a while back and now that I bought my own camera you will start seeing a lot more content like this. Please share this with a friend and leave your comments below. 

This is my Rubiks cube…

I’ve had this Rubik’s Cube for more than 15 years.

Some people think that you can solve it by pulling off the stickers, but it doesn’t take too long to figure out that swapping the stickers isn’t a real solution.

When I got my first Rubik’s cube, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to solve it legitimately but then I discovered a little trick.

I realized that I could take the cube apart and reassemble it in the right order.

There! Good as new. No one would ever know the difference, that is, as long as I was alone when I did it.

So much for that little trick.

I was determined to find a way to solve the cube in plain site. I wanted to be able to stand in front of anyone and do something that no one else they knew could do.

So I went back to work.I spent hours trying to solve that damn puzzle, but I still couldn’t figure it out… until, I did.

I was searching for instructions online when I learned that there are a number of patterns that you can recognize, along with a series of moves that you can memorize, in order to solve the cube from any position.

I learned that there were turns and twists that would allow me to move a piece from one side of the cube to the other without disrupting the rest of my progress.

After a few months of practice I had it down cold, and for more than a decade I have let the world think I could solve a rubiks cube in under 5 minutes.

But why does any of that even matter? Who cares whether or not I can solve a rubiks cube legitimately.

What difference does it make when I am standing right in front of you solving it?

All that matters in that moment is that I can do it, and unless I’ve told you this story or you’ve watched this video, you’d simply think that I was solving one of the most difficult puzzles know to man.

So the next time you see someone doing something you think is amazing, something you think you could never actually do, I want you to stop and think about this story.

I want you to ask yourself whether they’re actually doing something amazing, something you are simply incapable of doing, or whether they’re just doing something that you are not willing to do?

Text on screen to close video

How hard are you trying to do the things you think you can’t do?

 


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7 Reasons Why You Will Never Do Anything Amazing With Your Life

A unique perspective on what it takes to succeed in life.

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