This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or here to explore the other posts in this series.

I want everyone who reads this post to do one thing today. Actually, you should do it this very second.

I want you to quit pretending like there is going to be a moment where someone walks over to you and says “Hey there, It’s your turn to be amazing today!”

Stop pretending like things are going to get better on their own, or that a business is just going to build itself, simply because you had a great idea.

Stop waiting for the light to turn green. Just look to both sides to make sure there’s at least a shot of making it across the intersection and run the damn light! Why the hell is there a light there anyway?

As soon as you can do that, you are one step closer to becoming the real you. Closer to being the person you were always meant to be.

So right freaking meow, before you move another muscle. I want you to…

Stop waiting for permission to pursue your dreams.

I want you to stop doubting yourself and give in to your inner winner.

I want you to stop talking in the mirror as if you hated yourself, and start telling yourself something specific you want to accomplish each day.

I want you to stop yourself every time you try to bring yourself down. Stop letting the world inside of your mind run over you. Seriously, quit that shit.

Quit waiting for someone to tell you what you can or cannot do in this world.

Quit thinking that you have to live your life one way or another. Quit thinking that you have to do things today the same way you did them yesterday. Quit thinking of yourself as second class.

Stop thinking that the purpose of your life is to serve as a cog in some other mans machine. Sure, some people make great cog’s, but not you.

Stop acting like you can’t go out tomorrow and make something happen on your own. Like you couldn’t go out right now and do something that would help you be a happier more fulfilled version of yourself.

Stop pretending that the world is not malleable. That everything you want is not within your reach. You just have to be willing to go out and grab it.

Stop thinking that you are incapable and just do it! Do something new, do something completely out of character. Surprise a friend, kiss that girl, change your routine. Do something. Anything to shake the machinery of monotony. The habits of humanity that so many of us refer to as life.

Start waking up each day with the thought that you are meant to do something special with your life. Reassure yourself that you are not just another purposeless pawn, professional this, hourly that, or salaried brat.

Quit your job and start that company you’ve been talking about. Ask that redhead on the airplane out for a date. Do something that makes life last.

Because it is in those moments that time stands still. It is in those moments that we can live forever. The brief moments in time, when we define who we are and what we will become.

So stop asking for permission. Just go out there and break some shit!

Maybe a leg, maybe a bank account. Maybe just your own ego. Whatever it is you need to break, then break it. Whatever you need to do, then do it.

Test yourself. Find out what you are capable of by pushing yourself to the brink. Because it is in that moment when you will find the person you have been looking for all along. Then, and not a second sooner.

 

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or here to explore the other posts in this series.

Dear god, what did I get myself into?

If you don’t know, about 11 days ago, I committed to 30 consecutive days of sharing my thoughts publicly.

What was I thinking?

I’m starting to wonder that myself right about now.

I never considered the fact that I might run out of things to write about. Maybe I should have planned ahead, or had a few articles ready on the fly. Maybe I should have prepared for moments like this. For the moments when nothing makes sense. When the only thought going through my head is “Go lay in bed!” For moments when I must not only fight the world, but must also fight myself. To create, to live, to smile.

It’s not that I’m at a loss for words. There are always plenty of words running through my head. But if I were to put them out to the world in their raw form, none of you would be able to understand them. None of you would be able to deal with the havoc that they are so capable of wreaking.

Instead I must massage and manipulate those thoughts. I must mold them so that you can read them and enjoy them as an interesting story. As beautiful allegory.

I wonder if any of you could last a day inside of my head?

I wonder if I could last a day inside of yours?

I wonder what it will be like when we are able to experience each other so intimately. Maybe that will be the 22nd century orgasm. The ability to jump into someones brain in a way that was never before possible. Combining your emotional experiences with those of another through the blending of technological and chemical processes. An experience that will surely make sexual relationships obsolete. After all, we’ll probably be ordering perfect babies online by then.

What the hell are you even talking about Raymmar?

Oh, nothing!

Just random thoughts, a few of the many that come to me through the course of any given day.

By the way, is it day 11 or day 12 of this challenge? Who even knows?

Wait what? It’s your challenge, you should know!

Shit, it’s not even half way through and it seems all I have left are fractions of thoughts. Thoughts about business mixed in with thoughts about bills. Thoughts about paying them and about trying to get by until the next time they come back around. Just a few of the random thoughts that I always deal with as a fledgling entrepreneur who keeps his brain out on public display.

The thoughts of a guy who keeps it real in his writing as well as the world he lives in. Something that has proven to be more costly than initially anticipated. So much for the freedom to be free. Turns out it’s pretty expensive to be free.

This website and some of my thoughts, have cost me A LOT of money in consulting contracts over the last year and a half.

The language, the raw expression of emotion. The religious references, the political rants. All of it has upset potential clients enough to lead them elsewhere for services that I was best suited to deliver. Rejected based on open expressions and thought. Rejected for everything this country is supposed to be known for. For poking fun at the things that we are not supposed to talk about publicly. Things that we are supposed to think only for ourselves.

Because the narrative needs to be controlled in order to be effective. And it would upset the balance if too many of us actually figured it out at once. If enough of us realized that life is a game, and then actually started to play it. And learned that the rules of this world are not written in stone. They are written by men and made to be challenged.

Imagine if the whole world was willing to admit that they might be wrong. About something. About anything. About everything. Maybe even about themselves.

Imagine if we could understand that at the end of the day, we are all human. That we are all capable of excellence, yet equally capable of making mistakes. That none of us are perfect. And that just because someone want us to pretend to be that way, does not mean we have to.

So here is another day of my thoughts. As random a glimpse into the back of my brain as you’ll ever get. As I sit here, avoiding myself and exposing myself, all at the same time. Trying to connect you to a piece of yourself that we all recognize, but hate to admit. Like riding a moped to the grocery store. It might be fun until your friends see you, but then the explanation begins. Because there is always an explanation isn’t there?

Always a reason. And that reason is never us? But maybe it should be.

 

“Maybe you felt uncomfortable with the way I portrayed you because I was right!”

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

Yesterday I shared a very difficult experience from my past. It was an event that changed me forever.

Some of the other people who were there that day took issue with the way I portrayed them in that story.

I found that interesting, because a few of the others who were there reached out to me privately to let me know they appreciated that post tremendously.

But the truth of the matter is that I am only able to write from one perspective. My own. I can only tell my story from where I saw it, and I did just that, as honestly as I possible could.

No offense to those who did not like my thoughts, but they are my own and I am the one writing this narrative. I am the one exploring my thoughts. Maybe you felt uncomfortable with the way I portrayed it because you know I was right. Have you considered that?

Have you ever considered that the reason you hate hearing the truth because you know it’s true? Because you know that you are not being honest with yourself? Unwilling to let yourself see the real you. Hiding behind the person you want the world to think you are.

This is why I am challenging you to write every day for 30 days. Heck, maybe you’ll get hooked and end up like me. Unable to go a day without writing something. Even if it’s just a random thought. Even if it never gets shared, read or heard.

Because I want to tell my story. I want to give my perspective. I want to organize my thought so that I can learn how to understand myself as thoroughly as possible. And I want to share them with the world so that I can use them to hold myself accountable.

So thanks for being a part of this challenge and please, share your stories with us so that we can share them with the world. If not for me, then do it for you. I read them all myself, respond personally when I can and share it on my blog if it’s really good.

I promise you’ve never been as high as the moment when you get a note from a reader telling you that your work changed their life.

So express yourself! Share your thoughts! Define your perspective.

Because if you ask me, it’s the only way to truly live!

 

This article was featured on the Medium home page!

When I was 19, a boy drowned at the pool where I worked. I was the first responder. This is the story of that day as I remember it.

Dedicated to Murphy Shurig. Aug 4, 2002

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

“Lifeguard, lifeguard!”

The screams were coming from a group of boys who moments ago were playing and throwing a ball back and forth. They were regulars at the pool but I didn’t know any of them well.

This was my first summer at this particular pool, so I hadn’t gotten to know all of the pool rats yet. I did know that they were all above average swimmers though. They were also just on the edge of my zone, (the part of the pool a lifeguard is responsible for watching). It was right where my zone and the other life guard’s zone intersected.

I thought they might be trying to get my attention as part of a game they were playing, something that is not all that uncommon. But when I looked over, I saw them holding up one of their friends. They were lifting him to the edge of the pool.

I looked over in time to see them setting him up on the edge and let him go. Just in time to watch his pale body fall lifeless to the deck.

And then time stopped…

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!

In what seemed like slow motion, I jumped from my platform on the guard chair down to the ground. I’m not sure why, but as I ran over to where the boy was laying, I pulled the whistle and lanyard from around my neck and flung it away.

When I got to where they had dropped his body I saw my worst nightmare laying on the ground in front of me. His skin tone was not natural. Not blue like they show in the movies, but not like any color skin I had ever seen before.

I checked for a pulse. It was there, but it was weak. The manager on duty must have noticed that something was going on because she started to walk over.

I screamed at someone  nearby to call 911, and ran to the guard shack for gloves and a mask. Thing I should have had on me at the time.

When I got back, the manager had starting rescue breathing. She must not have had the airway opened properly because that air went right into his stomach and not his lungs.

How do I know? Because vomit, that’s how. Lot’s of it. Right into her mouth!

Watching the kid throw up should have thrilled me, except this was not voluntarily evacuation. The air she was breathing into his stomach just needed to escape… along with whatever he had eaten for lunch.

I straddled his lifeless body and started thrusting above his pelvis and just below the belly button. Pelvic thrusts to make sure the airway was clear and to help purge the rest of whatever was left in his stomach so we could try the breaths again.

She cleared his mouth with her finger, put the mask over his mouth and tried to give him another breath. He threw up again but this time was different. This was a mild mix of foamy whiteness and whatever else was left in him from the previous purge.

I look to my right, towards the two other pools. The rest of the lifeguards are still sitting in their chairs. People swimming as if nothing was happening. I noticed that the lifeguard who had her back to me was turned around to see what was going on. I could tell she was crying. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to sit there and not be able to react.

My first thought was anger. “Why aren’t you helping?” And then I realized it was actually a good thing. It was a big facility and if they had cleared the pools, a huge crowd would be gathering around us.

Even then, a crowd was forming. Small at first, but the people who had cleared the slide pool were starting to notice that something was seriously wrong.

I continue scanning the scene. It was like time was frozen but I wasn’t.

I locked eyes with a mom who was standing there with her two kids. One on either side of her, under each arm.

“Get them out of here!” I shouted in her direction.

Where is the other lifeguard that was watching the slide pool with me? Shouldn’t she be handling crowd control? Did anyone call the paramedics? Breathe kid, Please just take a breath on your own! Dozens of thoughts were shooting through my head all at once.

I finally see the other guard. She’s standing over by the front gate, probably waiting for the paramedics. She was also crying.

I look back down, another breath, still nothing. I check for a pulse again. It’s there, but barely. No chest compressions, yet.

It get’s a little fuzzy from there, but those few minutes felt like forever. The next thing I know the paramedics were there and it was all I could do to get away from the seemingly lifeless body.

I took a step back and fell to my knees. How could this be happening to me?

I was prepared for this. I was the guard who was always stressing the importance of training. I was the guard who suggested that we start doing weekly in-service trainings, but “that would not be necessary at this pool!” is what I was told it.

“We’ve never had a drowning or major accident at this pool. There is no need for that kind of training.”

That’s what the manager told me earlier that summer. The same one who had just been mouth-to-mouth with a lifeless 13 year old boy.

What a shitty time to be thinking I told you so!

That was just a few days before another ominous conversation I had at the beginning of that summer. A conversation in which I told my girlfriend at the time (a lifeguard at the same facility) that “Someone is going to die at this pool.”

I wasn’t specifically saying that someone would die that summer, but I sure as shit said it, and I hate that about myself. I hate that I saw it coming and still did nothing.

I saw that the training was lax and that to most of the seasonal staff, life guarding was about getting a great tan and hanging at the pool all summer. They were all strong swimmers, and the pool was in a wealthy neighborhood. After all, things like that aren’t supposed to happen here.

At least that is what they thought, before that day.

Could I have done more?

I hated myself for not being more vocal. For not being more adamant when I saw someone sitting in their chair sideways, or ignoring the pool. I should have spoken up when I saw someone using the rescue tube as a pillow, or reclining in their chair for a better tanning position. But I was the new guy. What was I gonna to do?

It wasn’t like I spent the summer before that managing a another local pool, and the summer before that working the wave pool at a large water park. I quit counting after 100 rescues that summer. But not at this pool.

There we were, half way through the summer, and I hadn’t made a single rescue. Maybe they were right. Maybe nothing bad was ever going to happen here.

So I started to relax. I started to become complaisant. Mostly I just wanted to fit in. And after a few times of being called “Pool Nazi,” I decided to roll with the cool kids. I decided to set my intuition aside and do things their way. I decided to drop my guard.

But I should have known better. Because I was also the guy who had been through everything you could ever go through as a lifeguard. I was the guy who knew, that at any moment, something could go wrong. The one who should have been prepared. But there I was. The first responder, and unprepared. I was the guy who failed. And it might have cost the kid his life.

To make things worse…

The police wanted to talk to us right away. They took me and the other guard, the one who had run to the front gate to wait for the ambulance, and put us in the back of a cop car to fill out the required reports. A cop car that just so happened to be sitting at the base of the steps that lead to the entrance of the pool.

It left us sitting so that everyone leaving the pool, as it was being cleared, would have to walk by and see us sitting in the back of that car. I felt like a criminal. I couldn’t stop shaking. No tears though, those would come later.

After I was done with the police I went into the office where some of the pool staff and management was talking. I remember trying to call my parents to come pick me up, driving was out of the question. My dad answered the phone.

Before I could get a single word out, I started bawling. Uncontrollable tears as the reality of the event began to set in. One of the managers, or maybe one of the board members (I can’t really remember) took the phone from me to explain the situation and have them come pick me up. I was 19 years old.

A piece of me died that day, even though the kid lived. But just barely. He would never regain consciousness.

It would take me more than a decade to realize how this event had changed my entire trajectory. To realize that it sent me on a spiral of self destruction that would eventually lead me to drop out of college, move across state lines and bury myself in whatever distraction I could find.

I spent a lot of time at his bedside the next few days, until the family decided to take him off of life support. His pain was over. But mine was just beginning.

A final round of tests during an autopsy revealed that he suffered from some sort of heart condition. It just happened to hit him while he was under water. They said that the same thing might have happened to him if he was playing at a baseball diamond, or in his back yard.

But he wasn’t at a baseball diamond. He wasn’t playing in his back yard, was he? He was at a pool. He was at my pool. And I was the guy. I could have saved him!

I was left to replay the events of that day in my head over and over. Wondering what I could have done differently. Knowing that none of those thoughts were productive but allowing them to eat at me nonetheless.

The local fire station set up some counseling for us, but it wasn’t at all helpful. How was an hour of talking going to change anything? The memory would be forever engrained in the deepest creases of my mind.

I would later meet with the boy’s parents and deliver a letter I had written to them.  Two letters actually.

One was a firsthand account of the events of that day (in a sealed envelope in case they didn’t want to read it) and the other was a letter offering myself to them, in whatever way they might have me.

They never blamed me for the events of that day, but they didn’t have to. My worst fear had come true, and I blamed myself.

 

This post is part of my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn more about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

Today I saw myself in another man and hated what I saw

I was in an argument that had absolutely no purpose. An argument, simply for the sake of arguing. Picking sides in a battle because I had to be right, but by the time I noticed, it was already too late.

I was too stubborn to step back and too determined to prove to myself that I was right. Because, well… I was right.

But so was he. Kind of.

And so there we sat. Both right, yelling at each other for no real reason, and then I saw it.

I saw myself.

Looking at this man I saw myself arguing with so many others over the course of my life. Defending my position because I was already emotionally committed to the argument.

Unwilling to humble myself because my macho man mechanism was in full force.

I hated that moment. It made me realize how it must feel to sit on the other side of a stubborn mule like myself. I found myself in the middle of the same argument that I must have had a hundred times before. Almost always as the immovable rock.

So as hard as it is for me to do, I tried to humble myself. I tried to take a step back but I couldn’t fully disengage. I still had enough of the old me left in the tank to try and show him how much like me he was actually being. But it was of no use.

He had no interest in having himself tell himself how much like himself he was acting.

And it was in that very moment that I grew. As if I had hit a psychological growth spurt. As I sat there dumbfounded, caught in this real life freeze-frame of a time, not long ago, when I was the one who was arguing recklessly. Oblivious to the futility of it all.

It was in that moment that I realized how childish I have been all along and quite often still am. It was in that moment that I realized there was no sense in being right if all it meant was feeling wrong.

And so it ended. Another tough lesson in this game we call life, but one we would all be well served to learn. Maybe next time, I’ll see myself in a man and like what I see. And maybe I’ll learn how to be more like him. Maybe I’ll learn to swallow my pride and take a step back. Or maybe, I’ll just do it all over again, like I have before.

After all, do any of us ever really change?

Are you a writer? Ever have a desire to write? Click the button below to learn more about my 30 day creative writing challenge and learn how you can empower yourself through your words and the words of others.

 

A short poem about self doubt and the process of being consumed by the unhealthy thoughts that often creep into our heads. Day 4 #30DOT

This is the third post in my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

Hello friends!

No, not you internet friends. This is not about you. I’m not trying to be rude, but this is my 30 day challenge and I’ll make you cry if I want to.

But seriously…

This post is specifically intended for my real world friends.

These words are for the people I hang out with on a regular basis. The people I eat with, drink with, and sometimes make bad decisions with. The people who know me outside of these short bursts of words that I regularly post online.

Mainly, I want to tell you that I love you.

But keep reading. For real though. Or I’ll cut you!

I know I can be a dick, and sometimes you probably just want to smack me upside the head. But I’m glad you don’t. Otherwise I’d probably have to walk around with a helmet on.

To the girls: Sorry if you catch me sneaking a peek! I’m a guy, and you’re hot. Maybe next time don’t let it all hang out. Wait, what am I talking about? Ignore that last line.

To the guys: Sorry I’m smarter and funnier than you. I have a few extra pounds to make up for and really, it wouldn’t be fair if I was this awesome and in great shape.

Shit, there I go being an ass again. See, I can’t seem to help myself. I really do love all of my friends though, like a vegan loves vegetables. Like a prostitute loves penicillin. Like Asians love rice!

But does any of this even matter? I know a few of you read my blogs because you tell me now and again, but what about the rest of you? I could probably say whatever I wanted at this point and most of you would never know it.

It’s not like I expect you to read every article but hell, I write a shit ton. And the whole world seems to be watching, yet it often feels as though none of you care. We are friends right? Why don’t we talk more about what we can do for each other. How we can help each other get to where we are going?

So enough bitching, here is what I want you to do!

I want you to share something with me. It doesn’t have to be personal, and you don’t have to do it publicly. It doesn’t mean you need to sign up for my writing challenge (but you could subscribe to my email list), I just want you to connect with me at a deeper level.

I know we can’t always talk on the phone or get together face to face but we can at least take the time to share a few written thoughts with one another. At the very least we can take a second to say something meaningful to the people that matter in our lives. And that’s what this post is all about. To let you know how much I care.

To ask you to give me a part of you to hold and call my own. Let me know where you stand, so that I can come stand right beside you! I’m inviting you to share your dreams with me, and tell me how I can help you reach them. Tell me your biggest fears so that if they come up we can face them together. Tell me I suck so that I can get better, and please don’t get mad if I do the same.

Let’s make a deal to stay away from the drama. Let’s make a deal to always be real. Let’s make a deal to not be scared to tell each other how we feel. Because anything less than that would mean we aren’t really friends. And you just read this whole post so that seems pretty unlikely!

So keep on being you. Because you’re fucking awesome. Otherwise we wouldn’t be friends. So… there.

Anyway, I love you guys!

Now share the shit out of this post so I can get on Oprah in a couple months when it’s time to start selling my book! K-Bye now!

Click here to learn more about my 30 Days of Thought Challenge

We have all heard Einsteins definition of insanity (or was it a Chinese proverb?) as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It is something that people throw out via meme, tweet, t-shirt, bumper sticker etc. yet, almost every one of us continues to do the same thing day after day. We are after all, creatures of habit. And I am not the exception.

I like to talk shit about how the world works and bloviate about politics and philosophy, but I rarely take the time to look at myself. Sure I beat myself up here and there, but I rarely talk in depth about my real flaws or focus on the fact that I am often part of the problem, not of the solution.

Give me a website that is not converting and I can show you how to drive traffic, build engagement and increase conversions. It’s like optimizing digital products comes naturally to me, but ask me to fix myself and the blinders come on. My ego throws up a wall that stops me from objectively looking at what is really wrong. I raise the barriers and start to defend my behaviors. I get frustrated and of course, nothing changes. Then, like clockwork, I begin to hate myself for being so stubborn.

But today I am trying something different. Today is the first of my 30 Days of Thought Challenge, and I have decided to do something completely different today than I have done every day for the last 5+ years of my life. Starting with this post and the admission that I need to change myself before I can ask or guide others to change themselves.

That being said, not only am I starting a writing challenge, but I will also be working to change a few of my bad behaviors over the next 29 days as well. For instance, today I set and alarm for the first time in years, I woke up early and I even thought about eating a healthy lunch. See, who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? But those are all surface issues and this is where I hit my first real barrier.

You see, I have been struggling with a few issues that I am not sure I’m ready to share just yet, but I have a sneaky suspicion that they may all come out during the course of this challenge. I intend to purge my mind, body and spirit over the next 30 days and I’m going to do it right here on this blog. So I hope you’ll join me because I am going to need your support in sticking with this thing.

If you do decide to join me on this quest, thenfeel free to share your 30 Days of Thought with me as we go along. Feel free to use the same format, and then share your thoughts in the comments of each article or send them via email to 30DOT@raymmar.com

You can also share with us on social media by tweeting @RayTirado and using the #30DOT in your posts!

That is all for today. See you fuckers tomorrow.

Just a note:

Most of my blog articles are super long and heady. This challenge is not about posting long, well articulated arguments about how the world works. This experiment is about sticking to a new set of behaviors over the next 30 days in order to try and change some of my stubborn habits. That being said, these posts may be all over the place. Think of them as unedited journal entires. There may be some typos here and there and sometimes they might be short, sometimes they might be super long. At the end of the day, I am just challenging myself to stick with it for 30 days and then look back from there.

A metaphorical post intended to inspire the creator in all of us.

This is a true story, based on actual events in Manatee County Florida.

Update: A year later, Avalos is facing another Murder charge for attempting to kill an inmate in prison.

Imagine you are at a dinner party. You are at your friends house but you only know a few of the more than thirty people that fill the room. Look to your right, now to your left. Three days from now, one of these faces is going to kill three people. Who will it be? Could it be you? Could it be me?

It’s like a scene out of a movie, something you’d never expect to experience in real life. You never image you’ll get a call telling you to turn on the news because one of the guys you were at dinner with a few nights before is accused of going on a murderous rampage.

It is not something you think about while sitting at dinner with friends and great food enjoying the camaraderie of a family birthday celebration. But this particular party would quickly be overshadowed by the actions of one young man.

He wasn’t a murderer at the time, but a few days later Andres Avalos Jr. would murder his wife, a neighbor, and the pastor of a local church they attended.

He left his 6 children without a mother, 2 more wthout a father, a church without their pastor, friends without friends and family without family. And after confessing, he will probably spend the rest of his life behind bars.

Andres-Avalos-Jr-with tattoo

Image credit – Bradenton Herald – https://www.bradenton.com/2014/12/07/5517903_andres-avalos-jr-has-first-appearance.html?rh=1

At one point, he was trying to convince me that Mexican hip hop was better than American hip hop, but that argument was settled quickly as the crowd decided that the music coming from another friends phone was more worthy of being plugged into the small set of speakers that were sitting on the countertop in front of him.

He had a tattoo on his neck, coming up from underneath his shirt, something that looked like a cross with a name on it, but hey, lots of people have tattoos.

I never got a warm and fuzzy feeling while talking to Andres but I didn’t get a bad vibe from him either. He was just another guy in the room.

I could tell he was street savvy because of the way he talked and carried himself but I have a varied past myself so I try not to judge anyone based on first appearance.

Most of the nights conversations were centered around the home made Thai food that was being prepared in the kitchen and outside on the grill. It was delicious and there seemed to be so much love in the room.

I guess that’s what makes this all so hard to take in, what makes it all so difficult to comprehend. How can the same guy, who sat there talking to me about lettuce wraps and bad beer, be the same guy who just ripped the lives of three families to shreds?

I don’t know the guy other than the few hours we spent hanging out that night so I am not going to assume to know what was going through his head, but if you ask me it was not murder. Not that night, not in that moment.

So what causes a person to snap like that? What causes someone to gun down three people in cold blood? Could anyone else in that room have snapped like he did or was it his destiny to be a murderer? Was there something in the stars that said it was his time to go, or was this simply the hand of someone’s god?

Does that mean that I am capable of murder? Does this mean that we are all one missed step away from fatally falling apart?

How is it that we can seem so normal on the surface but be falling apart inside? Why are humans so good at hiding their pain? How come we wait until it’s too late before we let someone know that we are about to blow?

There have been no reports on a motive, but what motive can there be for a crime so heinous other than self hate? And if you have so much hate that you are willing to kill, then why not kill yourself instead? Why not end your own pain as opposed to spreading it like a plague by killing those you love?

I’m not one to advocate for suicide, but if it means saving the lives of innocent people, at the expense of assholes who can’t express anger, other than through the barrel of a gun, then I say go ahead and blow your fucking brains out.

Because no one’s life should ever be cut short by the actions of another man. That’s the one gift that no one should ever want to give. We have no ability to create life and should therefore think twice about taking it. Shit, you should think three, four, five or even more times about doing something so stupid. And once you think you’ve thought it through, then write about it and think about it some more. Tell a friend about it. Do something to get it out in the open and please, give someone a chance to stop you before it’s too late.

You might just learn to understand and love the dark parts of your soul. And you might just save someone’s life in the process. Maybe even your own!

By the way, this is a real story, and you can help support the families of those involved by clicking the link below and donating to their GoFundMe campaign.

 

In a world where genetic modification is on its way to becoming the norm, are we really going to sit and scream at the TV because a guy gave into the temptation to do everything possible to become the god that we all propped him up to be?

“He’s Out!”

Alex Rodriguez finally admits to using steroids.

Yet another major headline from the professional sporting world. Another news cycle spent talking about the use of performance enhancing drugs instead of the real issues that ail our country. But let’s be honest. Do we really even care anymore?

After all, we are talking about the business of entertaining masses? The “purity of sport” argument has long since passed (at least in the professional arena) and now, all we are left with are large corporate machines that only care about selling tickets, driving advertising revenue, and presenting the allure of exclusivity.

Sure the athletes need training and talent, but if a technology exists that can make you better at what you do, then why wouldn’t you use it?

If your goal is to be the strongest, fastest, most home run hitting dude in the world then why wouldn’t you find every tool known to man to make that a reality.

Alex-rodriguez-busted-for-steroidsAfter all…

the steroids didn’t make him a great ball player, they just amplified the skills he already had. I could take all the steroids in the world but if you put me at the plate and throw me a 90mph fast ball, the only thing I’m going to do is get the hell out of the way.

These athletes already have such an advantage in training, equipment, medical care, etc that the concept of restricting their access to a performance enhancing drug is like telling a diabetic that they can use insulin but not the pump that automatically regulates its flow into the body.

We let these athletes use injections to limit swelling and speed up the recovery process, even in the middle of a game. They study themselves in labs to focus on heart rates, breathing, and perfecting their techniques. Peak performance is presented as the only acceptable outcome and then we have the audacity to get mad when someone finds a shortcut to better performance.

How hypocritical of all of us.

Who among us is not looking for an advantage to do better in this game called life right now? We have become a society of cheaters, and as much as we want to pretend that we’re all goody two-shoes and living a perfect life, we are all guilty of looking for shortcuts at one point or another. We actually glorify it in business, politics and education, but god forbid we see it in sports.

alex-rodriguez-shaking hands-steroids-attorneysIn a world where genetic modification is on its way to becoming the norm, are we really going to sit and scream at the TV because a guy gave into the temptation to do everything possible to become the god that we all propped him up to be?

At the very least, we should be willing to be honest with ourselves about the hypocrisy of all of it.

Imagine if…

We told Hollywood actors that they were no longer allowed to be in another movie if they have undergone plastic surgery. Or what if we told all the magazine publishers that they are no longer allowed to Photoshop the images that they use inside of their publications.

Maybe next we’ll try to tell college kids who take Adderall that their test scores are invalid or the pregnant mother that she has to suffer through the pain of child birth because the epidural would artificially dull the pain. I know, let’s tell the banks that they can no longer lend money to anyone who doesn’t already have the same amount sitting in the bank as collateral. That way no one can gain an unfair financial advantage in the world.

It would be absurd to present any of these arguments on a massive scale and you might even get laughed off the map for doing so, but every one of these things is an artificial enhancement to our ability to perform . Not all narcotics but each of them important drugs on which our society is wholly dependent.

We love drugs. Especially the ones we’re not allowed to have.

We love the erotic drugs of pornography and hedonism, and we spend more money on legal drugs (coffee, cigarettes and prescriptions etc.) than any other country on the planet. We have statewide battles to legalize drugs from plants that grow naturally all around us and everywhere you look, people are gorging on something that is intended to either make them perform better or at the very least, feel better about themselves.

We live in a world where superficial is really all that matters to most of us, so why should we get upset when someone skirts the system to bring the best version of themselves to the surface?

Aren’t we all addicted to something?

Whether it’s technology, relationships, food, alcohol, or any of the other things we rely on to distract us from ourselves. We love it when our performance is enhanced. We love things that make us faster and allow us to do more with less.

Isn’t that the holy grail of life? Business? To gain a competitive advantage? To find something to set yourself apart from everyone else? Something that makes you better, more appealing and ultimately gives you some level of power over others.

mlb-steroid-investigation-baseballWhy then do we all pretend to be so outraged when we find out that one of our heroes is just like us? That he too is human and that in spite of everything we made him out to be, he turned out to be just another man.

Is it that we are disappointed to find out that even our heroes are fallible?

Are we incapable of admitting to ourselves that when we turn on the TV to watch a professional sporting event, we are tuning into the modern day version of the Roman Coliseum? Are we scared to admit that we have an unhealthy dependence on this drug called entertainment?

Furthermore, if we’re going to keep living with this societal addiction, then why not give in and let it be the best of all addictions? Why not lift the ban and watch someone hit a 700 foot home run? Why not let them run faster, jump higher, hit each other harder and score more points? Wouldn’t that be ultimately more entertaining?

In closing

I say go ahead, show me your surgically modified, genetically altered, steroid injected, best version of yourself. Why not hide the parts of your that are real? Why wouldn’t you show off the parts that you make perfect for public consumption. After all, the cool kids are already doing it.

And if we’re all going to keep pretending to be better than we actually are, then why shouldn’t everyone else have the same opportunity? Even a professional athlete.

Image credit and read more about the A-Rod news here.

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The next species of human –  A Ted talk by Juan Enriquez

I like to talk about a lot of different things here on Raymmar.com and everyone loves a good Ted Talk. Juan Enriquez opens briefly with some of the monetary perils we face and then dives into some really interesting new sciences about the human body, evolution and the progression of our species.

He talks about engineering bacteria to act as a kidney, taking the part of wine (resveratrol) that is good for you, and mixing it into beer and adding an extra wing to a chicken. Grow extra teeth, Learn more about regenerative cells that can rebuild ears and bladders for themselves, and learn about cells that can create things from nothing and build other human parts.

Pretty wild ride and some great food for thought.

Some more crazy ideas you can find in this video:

  • Mechanical ears
  • Mechanical eyes
  • Seeing in infrared
  • Robotic advancement
  • Overlapping human species
  • Insert DNA and have it boot up as a different species
  • Radio Shack of DNA and other molecular structures

Share your thoughts about the video in the comments below.


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In this podcast, I talk with John Lyon who is a researcher for one of the top financial research firms in the country. His research and advice helps direct the people who manage billions upon billions of investment dollars and I wanted to ask him a few questions about the current fiscal climate and where he sees the future of the monetary system as a whole. We also get into China and the monetary moves they are making and dive into a concept I am calling open source sales. Something I think could completely change the world of sales as we know it. But if you think this is just going to be another boring talk about those little green pieces of paper that we call money, then you must have lost your mind, because after all, this, is Raymmar Radio! So kick back, and let’s get this shit started!

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

China moving against the dollar Ripples on the surface Homegrown Learners – Growing learners one day at a time Learn more about my ventures.


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We can steer our boats around the rocks and so we assume that we are in control but we are but a spec, floating on the surface.

I think it’s safe to assume that YouTube is here to stay as a major player in the world of new-media. They are already giving the major cable TV networks a run for their money when it comes to advertising revenue. And over the next few years, they will continue to disrupt a market that for so long has been the sole domain of big money production studios.

With more than 100 hours of video uploaded to YouTube every minute and the growing ease by which anyone can produce high quality video, it’s hard to think that the current TV model will survive for much longer. Many people (myself included) are moving away from the traditional TV experience (at least in the concept of scheduled television). And in my humble opinion, TV as we know it is going to evolve dramatically over the next 5-10 years.

That being said, YouTube is still new to most people (at least as a TV surrogate) and with so many still writing it off as simply “a place for stupid videos” I wanted to show you how I get value out of it as an educational resource. I wanted to share some of the YouTube channels that have helped shape and influence the way I see the world. And share with you some of the places where I spend hours of my life, learning, watching and otherwise being entertained.

Enjoy.

#1 – Vsauce

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I found Michael more than a year ago, and he has been blowing my mind ever since. Whether he’s explaining how much a shadow weighs or explaining once and for all, why the chicken actually crossed the road, he has a way of boiling science, history and current events down to their core components and presenting them inside of one beautifully succinct question.

He asks questions such as What if everyone jumped at once and What if the earth stopped spinning? He explains The science of the friend zone as well as why we have two nostrils, while keeping the viewer in a weird, scientific trance of awesomeness that will surely leave you coming back for more.

#2 – Veritasium

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Veritasium is similar in style to Vsauce but has a little heavier emphasis on the hard science of the concepts they explain. Most of these videos also start with an interesting question, like What is not random and Will this go faster than light? I like this channel because they dive deep into the world of theoretical physics while also explaining some real life concepts about how the world actually works.

#3 – ASAP Science

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Starting to see a trend here? I love science and I love to explore how the world works. I love learning about science as much as I love to learn about social issues, politics or anything else. The problem is that I have a short attention span so the science has to be interesting and easily digestible.

Ding. Enter ASAP Science. As the name states, these short science videos get right to the point but do not skimp on information. Take their recent video on the science of depression or this one where they ask how much sleep any of us actually needs. Rarely longer than 4 minutes these videos are all done using simple whiteboard animations and voice overs. They also have a great sense of humor, and answer questions like does size really matter and should you hover or cover the toilet seat? Before you know it, you will have spent hours watching these short, interesting videos about all aspects of science and life.

#4 – MinutePhysics

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If you thought ASAP Science was hard hitting then brace for impact because MinutePhysics is going to speed things up a bit. As the name implies, most of these videos are around a minute or two long and they typically focus in – like a laser beam – on one one basic physics concept.

Want to debate evolution vs creationism in two minutes and forty nine seconds? Click here. Want to know how the modern light bulb works, or why the solar system is flat? No problem. Want to know why the moon looks better in the winter, or maybe you want to understand how microwaves work in less than ten seconds. They got that too. Seriously, it’s all there. Just keep an eye on the clock because for now, time travel is not possible. Or is it?

#5 – How Stuff Works

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I just found this channel recently and I was instantly wrapped up in their “Stuff they don’t want you to know series.” Seeing as how I spent 2 hours watching their 4-6 minute long videos, I had to include it on the list.

I learned about China’s infiltration of Africa, the war on drugs, historical revision and the Vatican archives. And that was just to get started. Then I went on to learn about giants, Washington D.C., and finally, an interesting video about Facebook and their data gathering practices.

I wanted more about most of their topics, and like most of these videos, they just skim the surface of the issue but to me that’s part of the fun. It’s part of my quest to explore everything. A journey that often takes me across the battlefield of ideas and pushes me to question my understanding of everything.

#6 – Smarter Every Day

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Destin is a lovable guy with southern charm that will definitely help you get smarter every time you watch one of his videos. He will show you what it looks like to shoot an AK-47 underwater, – in slow motion – explains how Houdini probably died, and will even show you what it looks like to get tattooed in slow motion. He often includes his kids in his video and you can tell he brings a lot of passion to what he does. Throw that in with some serious knowledge and you will be an instant fan.

#7 – vlogBrothers

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Hank and John are the vlogBrothers and they bring some fast paced back and forth, as they video blog their discussions on real world issues to one another. Want to know what is going on in Hong Kong with a young and relevant flare? Click here. Care to know more about the net neutrality argument? Click here. Looking for something a little less heady? Then check out this video that runs through 53 of the most terrible jokes you’ve ever heard.  With a great mix of substance and style, it is easy to get wrapped up in their playful banter and like the rest of these channels, you run the risk of losing lots of hours watching these videos.

#8 – zefrank1

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As the executive vice president of video at BuzzFeed and vlogging pioneer, Zefrank drives home his point with substance and style. His video on why trust is worth it will move you emotionally and this video about being inside of a shell might inspire you to step out of your comfort zone, but he also drops real world facts about things like the octopus, the armadillo, and my personal favorite, the CuttleFish. Because that is how Zefrank do!

#9 – Andrei Oprinca

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I no longer watch many of his videos but I had to include his channel on this list. His videos brought me back up to speed with Photoshop and taught me to become the plastic surgeon of pixels that I am today. Seriously, if you want to learn how to get better at anything Photoshop then click here.

#10 – Casey Neistat

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This is a guilty pleasure channel for me. Sure he has done videos for Nike about making it count and has traveled all over the world. But more than anything I have learned to love the simplicity of his videos and the style in which he edits his work. His studio is wildly functional and the guy literally snowboarded the streets of NYC. Neistat has a way of stringing images, video and sounds into these beautiful compositions that will inspire every part of your creative desires. If you are looking for creative inspiration and how to tackle big projects with small budgets then this is the channel for you.

#11 – CGP Grey

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If you only watch one of his videos, the above one should be it. This is my favorite CGP Grey video so far and it explains some of the problems we face as a society due to the proliferation of technology and how that is affecting the job market.

This channel also does a great job explaining complex issues in a concise way. Topics you didn’t even know were up for debate get put into perspective like how many countries are there, what is a continent and discussing whether or not Texas can secede from the union? What about the difference between England and Great Britain? Want to know about the European Union or more about Vatican City no problem? No topic too big or two small for them to simplify. This is seriously one of the smartest channels on YouTube.

#12 – The Journey of Purpose

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I have to be in the right kind of mood to tune into this channel for too long but if you are looking for some deep thinking, heavy philosophy or other inspirational videos then this is a good place to start. Alan Watts is a regular voice over and you can get lost in the ideas themselves so make sure you bring your thinking cap when you flip these guys on.

#13 – Of course, yours truly

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I couldn’t publish a list about YouTube channels and not mention my own. Although young and lacking in the depth of some of these other channels, we have had some early success with videos about racism and trying to explain the debt limit. I also dabble in poetry and inspirational videos and video is definitely in the plan for our overall web strategy.If you are a regular reader of the Raymmar.com blog, then you should just click subscribe and help a brother out.


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Facebook is constantly throttling my posts, restricting my content and otherwise censoring my posts. I just wanted to start documenting it and pointing out every time that it happens. Feel free to share your comments or experiences below and if you want to upload and share a screen capture I will be happy to add it to the list of videos that will eventually make up the rest of this blog post.

 

Sticks and stones my ass. Words hurt like hell and they have the power to destroy. They can control you, drive you, push and pull you. Words are all things and words are nothing. Everything is a word, and according to Urban Dictionary, so is this but…

What exactly is a word?

If you Google the word “word,” you get this:

noun – 1. a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others (or sometimes alone) to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed.

And if you dig a little deeper, (all the way down to the next result) you find this definition:

: a sound or combination of sounds that has a meaning and is spoken or written

or

: a brief remark or conversation : something that a person says

Getting closer but words are stronger than that

Words are the foundation of everything we do; of everything we are. They are the mechanism by which you are currently reading my thoughts, and they are the core components of communication in any real sense.

There is no other way to describe in detail, the events of any particular moment in time, without diving into the words of some other individuals reality. And even if you could, how would you describe it without words?

Sure there are pictures and video, but the world captured inside of them must also rely upon words.

Words are the purpose of art.

Art is the visual expression of the words inside of an artists head. The visual representation of emotion. Interpretations designed to spark thought. Thoughts that can drive words from your mind to your mouth. From pen to paper.

A writer must paint with no brush and shoot video with no camera. They must reach through the eyes of a reader using these silly arrangements of letters that we call words, and those words must appeal to intellect, as well as emotion. They must move the audience with substance, not simply with style.

Words are pictures that develop right in front of the readers eyes. A painting that is perpetually being painted. A writers canvas is the reader’s brain and his medium is the combined thoughts and ideas of each individual reader themselves. Impossible to be completely understood unless the message is received in context and in its entirety.

Writing is a form of art where each observer is required to participate actively in order for its true impact to be felt. The reader must give in and allow the author access to their brain. Leaving them completely exposed, if only briefly, to the mind of another man.

Words are the DNA of language. They are the root of commerce, the basis for human interaction, and most definitely the ruler of every religion.

Put words in an old enough book and they become history. A snapshot from another world, a moment captured in time and displayed for anyone to explore.

Words are the ultimate level playing field.

Words allow you to travel through time, and are entrusted with recording history. They are the sum knowledge of our entire species, and are a requisite to educate and inform societies. It is the responsibility of words to fill the pages on the scripts of life.

Words, or the lack thereof, are the root of every battle between good and evil.

Those who can use words to captivate audiences and project their visions clearly are the ones that get to shape the futures of the world we live in.

They are the visionaries and the entrepreneurs, the psychologists and the sociologists. Words are the engineers and architects, the designers and the developers, the you’s and the me’s. Words are everything and we should all have them as friends.

You should learn to play with them regularly. Because the more time you spend with words, the more power those words will give you in return.

You should learn to respect and revere them. Listen, read, and hear them. You should find a way to explore new things because each new experience leads to new words, which then become stories, that then become you.

But what do I know, after all, these are only words.

Even This One

Seriously, put down your digital device and grab your work boots. You will find no shortcuts to success here.

Okay, I’ll be honest. I’ve read lots of motivational articles, and watched lots of motivational videos.

Hell, I’m sort of writing one right now.

And they’ve been really great for getting through tough times in my work and life in general. They’ve helped me a lot. In the past two years I’ve come so far in my craft (I’m a concept artist and illustrator) that at times I can hardly believe it. But, I still have a long way to go too.

But…

The people who I am addressing right now are the people that the videos, books, articles, etc., didn’t work for.

It really is a cruel trick, isn’t it? That these things, when you read, watch or listen to them, really make you feel like everything is coming together so nicely—they make you feel like you’re being given a nice stern talk, and you needed to hear it. You’re going to change, and work hard. Because working hard (as they say) is the only way to get to where you want to be. Sounds legit.

When you step away from the motivational pep talk, feeling rather good about yourself and how you’ve seen everything anew, sooner or later you are faced with one of those situations that we all hate to be in—your alarm goes off at 5 A.M. because you were going to start doing things differently, but you hit snooze. Just once. Then twice. Then eight or nine times. You feel a little guilty but it’s no big deal, it’s not like you can’t get work done later in the day.

Or, maybe you see someone online whose skills completely wow you; they have that thing, that oh-so-awesome talent that you wish you could have! But you get discouraged and decide to take a little break to watch some TV. It’s not like you could hold yourself to that standard anyway. It’s just not realistic. Plus, you can’t work like a dog all the time right?

Your friend asks you out to get drinks, and who wouldn’t accept? But you know you haven’t yet accomplished what you set out to do today… oh well. This is a special occasion, can’t beat yourself up about it. You don’t want to be a workaholic.

By the time a week has gone by, everything has gotten back to its usual comings and goings.

You feel disappointed, having acquired this new found motivation only days before. You were going to surprise and impress them all, the world was yours, your problems seemed silly little things that didn’t need to be fretted over…

By God, you were a bloody winner. And no one could tell you differently.

So…what happened?

You haven’t changed at all.

But why? It’s not fair that it’s so hard for you to find the right answers, the winning philosophies. So, you go back to searching for that one trick, the one all-encompassing mantra that can push you full steam ahead to get you to the dream job, or have the dream skill.

If this sounds like you… then stop looking. Because what you seek is impossible to find.

You want all the reward, and none of the difficulty. You want the buy-out; the most “efficient” way to get to the place you want to be, with a job you love that pays six figures that all your friends are jealous of. Right? Or maybe you’ve convinced yourself that’s just a fantasy, like winning the lottery. So you scuttle around trying to find your “winning ticket” because that seems the most likely way you’ll get to be where you want in life.

Stop.

Stop looking for a shortcut, a magical video or website that will tell you the SECRET or TIP that you are looking for, and read this carefully: give up on finding it. NEVER look for it again.

Think about whatever goals you’re trying to find the motivation to achieve in your life.

Think specifics.

Now slow down, take a deep, deliberate breath, and count to five. Exhale. Feeling better? Good. Now drop everything and get to work.

I don’t care where you are or what you are doing. You might even need to stop reading this article if you don’t trust yourself to do so at the end of it.

Start right now.

The most out-of-your-comfort-zone route you can think of that you normally wouldn’t even consider, preferably (nothing too physically dangerous of course). Even if you’re certain that you will fail miserably or that it won’t work.

Go to a figure drawing session and sit in a room around a bunch of people drawing a naked person, even if you suck at drawing. Go to the bar wearing a suit and meet people. Play your scales on the guitar—for hours—until your fingers can no longer take the pain. And then do it again tomorrow.

Because honestly, the amount of time you spend looking for and discarding the shortcuts is probably more than what you’d spend taking the hard road and actually getting something done. When you’re in a tough, uncomfortable situation, it’s sink or swim. It’s the fastest way to learn something.

(For the record, I am not saying that putting yourself in terrible, pointless, masochistic situations gets you good at something—completely not the point.)

The idea is, you can talk about wanting to be successful like you’ve been doing in the past, you can say there’s no point in putting in the effort because you’ll get bad grades anyway… or you can get in there and actually try your hardest, turn in every assignment, show up every damn day. Even if that means going through the cold freezing rain, studying for days uninterrupted and failing anyways.

Yes, you read that right. Prove it. Actually DO something and take the first step! Until then it’s just another thought in your head.

Wasn’t it Rocky who said “it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward”? Something like that. Same concept.

Too many people are so afraid to fail that they don’t move at all, they stay fixed where they are. Moving forward and becoming great at ANYTHING, takes risk. And time. And pain. And failure.

Not just when it’s convenient either. Take a pass on that hangout with your friend and say maybe next time. Miss your favorite show. Get up early. That’s when you’re really tested—when you choose to give up the things you LIKE doing.

The victories are real and so worth it.

As my teacher Chris Oatley always says, you can’t steer a parked car. Stop being so victimized by fear and take a little pain, ‘cause that’s what it takes to succeed.

I know I sound like a hard ass, but there really is no secret to success, in any aspect of life. Though if the truth to this were a secret, it would be the best hidden one in the world, since no one wants to believe it’s true.

You have to do the tough, ugly, discouraging, real work to get better. It’s not sexy, it won’t give you instant gratification, you won’t see instant results. You have to never be comfortable where you are, and keep stretching yourself every single day, relentlessly. It hurts to tear muscle, as it should. It’s hard. It can make you cry from frustration and feel like you aren’t making progress when everyone else around you is. It can make you feel like you never want to venture out socially or fall in love again.

But, if you keep pushing through the pain for long enough (and sometimes just a little longer) then you will find the unwavering motivation to get what you want in life, because you know you can keep going, and never stop.

Only the man that digs can strike gold. If you give up, you’ll never even know how close you got. And that will stay with you forever.

You know why it seems like such a secret to everyone? Because no one else is doing this. No one, except for the kinds of people you aspire to match. They understand this “secret”. They understand this is a marathon, not a sprint. Everyone else gives up. Everyone else quits when they’re tired.

Everyone else is looking at motivational videos on YouTube.

If you want it as bad as you say you do, you have to be obsessed with taking another step, with pushing through another challenge even when you’re having a bad day, and checking off your goals little by little as you meet them. Obsessed with stretching your limits, in every aspect of your life. No matter how small or seemingly trivial the task.

Make yourself do it. Every day. It’s a discipline.

Don’t think you need to? Too extreme?

Maybe success isn’t for you.

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I am working on a video for this poem but I decided to share the audio now instead of waiting a few months or however long it takes to produce the video. The concept is relevant considering our social situation and well, I’m also kind of impatient like that.

I am interested in creative collaborations, so please, feel free to download the audio above and use it as a backdrop for your footage. Then share the link with us and maybe we will publish it on our site. Be sure to attribute the audio properly in your video.

Send submissions or any questions to: submit@Raymmar.com

Scroll down for the poem text.

 

The Poem

I stand beside you and feel all alone staring at my feet, then down to my phone.
Maybe inside of this small screen I’ll see, a friend thats been patiently waiting for me.
Someone who “likes” the things that I write but still no one’s here when day turns to night.
But no matter how long I stare at that phone, I still end up feeling completely alone.

Then I look at you and it seems to me, that you are as popular as anyone can be.
How do you make the friends that you have, and why do I never see you feel sad?
Is it that you’re so much stronger than me or is there something else, a thing I can’t see?
But there you sit holding your phone, and I Instantly wonder, if you too, are alone.

Could we all be lost, together as one, always connected but friendships with none.
There is a mass of we’s and a slew of you’s, but its getting harder to find the few who are true.
Everyone wants but few want to give, everyone dies, but not all of us live.
So unplug your mind and set down that phone, we can’t solve these problems together alone.

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