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Playing The Field – Tips To Help You Interview Like A Boss

Interviewing for jobs can feel like searching for a soul-mate. Sometimes it takes lots of awkward first dates.

 

A first date can often include:

  • Sweaty palms
  • Anxiety
  • Fear of the unknown

You begin to pull into the driveway of your potential new employer. Your heart is racing as if you are about to ride the world’s tallest, fastest rollercoaster. You have practiced. You have shared this moment with your closest friends and family and now it’s “go time”.

You feel confident that you can answer basic interview questions: “Tell me about yourself” or “Please explain your employment history”. Even though many candidates have a hard time with explaining who they are as a person, we can all bullshit our way through these basic questions during a job interview.

Some call this “Fake it ‘til you make it”. Much like dating, we all tend to “fake it” until we find the right person. The same rule can apply to the professional world while seeking a fulfilling career.

It’s about finding the perfect fit:

What does the “perfect fit” look like to you?

Does it include a full benefits package?

How about paid time off, top-notch compensation, employee engagement (i.e. employee appreciation week), professional development and a flexible work schedule?

The perfect fit as we know is different for everyone. Interviewees should conduct research about potential employer prior to the interview and also during the interview itself.

How is this accomplished?

Read the company website. Most companies include a detailed section for history/about us/FAQs. You can learn an enormous amount of information about the company in a short amount of time browsing this information.

Blog postings or articles about company awards/community recognition may also provide good information. During the interview, ask questions about organizational culture and why others have selected this employer to be their employer of choice. It is also acceptable to ask about work hours or possibility for professional development/growth during the interview. If the employer does inquire about your desired compensation and benefits, it is OK to answer them.

Top 5 Interview “Do’s”

  1. Present a resume folder with your resume, cover letter, two letters of recommendation, and copies of any degrees and/or certificates. Resume folders are relatively inexpensive at Wal-Mart. The purpose of the resume folder is to leave the employer something more than just a resume. This folder containing extra information can definitely help you stand out amongst the competition.
  2. If the employer invites you to arrive dressed business casual attire, politely thank them for allowing you the option, but always wear a full suit to an interview. First impressions are everything and the job market is too competitive to fall short or only give 90% while trying to score your next job.
  3. Within 24 hours, send a follow-up thank you email. Do not write three whole sentences. By using bullet points, list three takeaways from the interview and how your transferable skills will increase results for the company overall.
  4. Be aggressive by showing interest! Follow-up within a week with a thank you call to ask where the department is in the hiring process. This is your last attempt at securing the position of your dreams, so make it count. There is no harm in placing a professional phone call once.
  5. Always, always, always ask for the business cards of the individuals you have spoken with. This includes the person that interviewed you as well as the Front Desk Receptionist. Some organizations have business cards of all key staff members at the front desk.  When this option is not available, simply ask. Note also that you can utilize LinkedIn to search for additional contact information if business cards are not available.

Interview Mishaps:

  1. When the interviewer asks the interviewee “Tell me about a time you went above and beyond to satisfy a customer”. This type of question can easily make anyone look good-make sure you prepare a stand-out answer.
  2. Refrain from arriving late without calling in advance if you cannot avoid it. Its one thing to arrive late if you called in advance. It’s another thing to show up bursting in the doors huffing and puffing while apologizing profusely.
  3. Do not ever walk out in the middle of an interview unless it’s for an absolute emergency. If you feel the interview is going south, you must maintain professional courtesy at all costs. By walking out, you may permantely burn a networking bridge for the future, whether this particular organization is a fit or not.
  4. Unbutton your suit jacket before sitting. It is proper etiquette while sitting down for a a nice dinner. The same rule applies to an interview/business meeting.
  5. Two ears, one mouth. Do not at any point interrupt the interviewer or become overly chatty. This could be a sign of poor listening skills, which are incredibly important to any employer looking to bring someone on for the long haul.

Interview Resources:

    1. www.hireauthority.com. This site is an excellent example of motivational interviewing for both the hiring manager and the interviewees.
    2. www.bls.gov
      1. Many times during the interview process, a potential employer will ask you for your desired compensation range. Explain that you have done your due diligence and based on current statistics for XYZ city and state, the range is XYZ for this particular position. For example, the compensation range for a HR Manager in Tampa, FL is $55,000-$70,000.
      2. Ask your undergraduate or graduate school Career Services Departments for a list of mock interview questions. Feel free to ask me as well: liz.woloszyk@gmail.com
      3. https://www.indiabix.com/hr-interview/questions-and-answers/
        1. Long list of many different questions to be prepared for

When will I know I found the right fit?

Similar to dating, you will probably get an instinctive feeling about job after the interview process. It’s OK to acknowledge the fact that all interviews are not perfect and you’re not a fit for every position.  Attending interviews and making new connections through networking are perfect for practice and providing options – without these experiences, you may never know which career direction is best for you.

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Why Being Creative Is Such A Curse

This article first appeared on hubsarasota.com – Written by Rich Swier

We have all heard the saying “tortured artist”. It’s a commonly used phrase to describe the frustrations an artist has with people who don’t quite understand them. This frustration typically leads to isolation, depression and many other expensive emotions. In my opinion, this stereotype doesn’t even scratch the surface of what a creative person lives day to day. This is why I am going to make my own label – “cursed creative”.

What is a Cursed Creative?

A cursed creative is an person who lives to create. It could be music, painting, writing, editing, design, acting or coding. There are hundreds of outlets for a creative to use to drive their passion. And the curse is… it’s never enough. There is no final piece of work. No final applause. There is only an appetite that is never satisfied.  Like a Vampire with better taste in clothes… is the life of a Cursed Creative.

When I first started working with creative minds, it was a challenge for me to understand what drives their passion (or more appropriately their hunger.)  I have done a lot of thinking on this matter, and here is what I have concluded:

Do they care about Money?

In short, no. A true creative wants to share with people around them the way they see the world. In many cases, they knowingly understand the profession they are entering doesn’t result in a big salary or a million-dollar payday. The irony to me, is that most of the richest people in the world are “creative” minds, that were either lucky enough to commercialize their vision at the right time, or were able to surround themselves with business-minded people to turn their talent into money. Either way, I know for sure money is not the root of why they are creative, and it certainly isn’t the motivation behind their passion.

Do they care about Fame?

Yes (but in a good way). We all appreciate someone’s desire to be famous. It’s natural for any person to want to be known and respected by thousands (or millions) of people around the world. It’s even more important for someone who creates something to share it with the world. Fame to a creative is more like acknowledgement. It is the assurance of sharing their creation… and not so much the red carpet “take pictures of me” fame. The only real exception is performers (actors) and musicians, because they personify their creativity. In some way they are the MOST cursed creatives, because their art is them. They don’t paint the art, they become the art.

So the obvious question is – why are many creatives still unhappy (or un-satisfied) after having success. Why do musicians who perform to thousands of fans screaming their lyrics, are still depressed backstage? Why do actors who perform lead roles in Oscar-winning films, still find themselves on the other side of a needle. The answer is not easy to comprehend or explain. It is simply a curse.

When you are a creative being… you are only fulfilled when you are creating. It is a never ending cycle. And no matter what you create – no matter how magnificent, popular or profitable – you will wake up the next day wanting more.

Of course, it’s not all bad. There are a few positives in being a creative. Here is a short list:

  1. You will experience life in a way no one else can comprehend
  2. You will change the lives of everyone who knows you by sharing your experiences through a creative outlet.
  3. You will change the world.

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7 Reasons Why You Will Never Do Anything Amazing With Your Life

A unique perspective on what it takes to succeed in life.

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Why I Upgraded To Evernote Premium

A Brief Disclaimer:

I am in no way affiliated with Evernote however, I just felt strong enough about it to tell you that:

“Evernote might just be the one app you didn’t know you couldn’t live without!”.

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Enough Ass Kissing; Let’s Get To It.

Since May 2005, I have been journaling, writing, typing and documenting my thoughts, life-experiences and ideas. I used to actually write in physical journals but after I got my iPad I decided to make the switch to digital note taking. I was looking to find the best note taking app on the market. Preferably a free one.

I instantly fell in love with the simplicity of Evernote. Not just to take notes, but to actually use them in a productive manner. You see… I still have stacks of journals with some of my deepest, darkest thoughts sitting inside of them. Full from cover-to-cover with troves of beautiful words and thoughts never to be explored again. Unless of course, I decide to thumb through them but we live in a digital world and who wants to deal with paper anymore.

“I am actully using Evernote to digitize all of my old notes. By using the scanning feature in Evernote I can take pictures of my handwritten notes and convert them to searchable documents inside of Evernote”. I’ll cover that in a future article – Subscribe to make sure you don’t miss it.

Evernote Helps Me Remember Everything

I know that’s a play on their tagline but it just so happens to be true. I rarely ever went any further back than a week or two in order to review notes, business concepts, client interactions or anything else I wrote down daily in any of those journals over the years. I would write in the book and each new page would separate me from the last by as many new words as I decided to add that day.

It took a little while to get used to typing my thoughts instead of writing them all down but now I wonder how I ever survived before. I still use the Moleskin journals to jot quick notes or to capture a sketch but for the most part I use my iPad, iPhone or laptop to access the Evernote app. I love that I can have all my thoughts with me on any device at any time.

My Favorite Evernote Features.

Here is a short list of my favorite Evernote features in no particular order. Most of them are available on the free version so what are you waiting for?

Offline Notes: 

Now that I am an Evernote premium user I can set notebooks to be available offline. This allows me to have access on my devices even if there is no internet or cellular connection. It’s like special note taking app magic that allows you to work on everything everywhere.

Multiple Notebooks:

I used to always carry a single physical journal. I would write all my notes in the journal and try to differentiate the pages by folding them over to create partitions, using headers at the top of each page and then folding different corners, in different directions in order to mark the importance of any given note. With Evernote, I can have as many notebooks as I want and they are all brilliantly accessible and crossed linked through the app. Now… with Evernote Premium, I can even share notebooks and allow others to edit and update the notes inside of them.

*New Feature* – Notebook Stacks:

Now you can take your notebooks and organize them into stacks. This is a great feature because it gives me another level of sorting functionality. For example, before this feature was available, I had separate notebooks for each of my clients but they were all scattered around (Evernote sorts notebooks alphabetically), but now I can drop them all in a single stack and keep them in one place. You could even sort your contacts by importance or start a writing folder and then have separate notebooks for your blog, poetry, jokes, short stories, etc. That’s the beauty of Evernote, you can pretty much make it do whatever you want it to do. If you get creative Evernote can even help you do business better.

Tags:

As a self proclaimed “WordPress Ninja”, I was already familiar with the concept of adding tags to my content. I always thought it would be cool to be able to add tags to my notes, and then be able to search by those specific tags. The tags even work across multiple notebooks so you can further interconnect your notes and then sort them easily and intuitively. 

Tag usage example: the tag “video ideas”  can be used on notes in my client notebooks as well as my “Blog Concepts” notebook, or any other notebook for that matter. This allows me to sort my notes by those tags and look at notes across all of my notebooks that use each specific tag. 

Business Card Scanning

One of their newest features, the business card scanning functionality is pretty revolutionary. For the professional networker, dealing with stacks of business cards can get annoying real quick. They pile up everywhere and much like your handwritten notes, often get left to gather dust. With Evernote Premium I can scan a business card and have the information converted to a contacts note inside of Evernote. I can even have it add the contact to my iPhone contacts instantly. Add a quick If This Then That recipe to the mix and all those contacts are instantly invited to connect on linked in. Seriously, it is that easy. Scan. Add. Invite. It’s pretty much like a cheat code for life.

Another useful tip:  Evernote can sync with LinkedIn to supplement the contact information for the scanned in cards. Freaking brilliant.

Presentation Mode:

This new feature is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Simply put, it gives you a clean read-only view of whatever note you are in so that you can read or share your note without distractions from the editor interface. It formats the articles in a streamlined fashion that fits right into my business workflow. I especially appreciate this functionality with my Apple TV as I can use it with airplay to share my note without having people climb all over me to see the screen on my phone. You could even use it as an impromptu teleprompter with the Apple TV and use your iPhone as a remote to control the scroll. You’re Welcome.

Geo-Tagging:

I work for myself. I don’t have a corporation behind me with robust relationship management software to help me track sales calls, territory management or any other aspect of my sales process. Out of necessity, Evernote has become my default Client Relationship Management (CRM) system. The ability to review my notes based on my GPS location is great for tracking on-location interactions with clients and prospects alike. This means that I can review all of those interactions on a map from any location. This is an invaluable feature for the on-the-go sales rep.

Whether I am talking to a cold call or sitting with an established client I always have my iPad in front of me with Evernote open and a fresh note waiting to document the conversation. I can even use the voice record feature and attach an audio account of our meeting to that particular note. I have used customized, CRM software that is not as user friendly or as robust as Evernote… just saying.

Evernote Inspires Me Be To Build A Better Business

Once in a while you come across a company that just gets it. A company that isn’t out wasting their money trying to buy market share with advertising or trying to interrupt your daily life with the story of their product. Instead they chose to create a better product. Bravo Evernote, bravo!

I have been watching Evernote over the last few years. I have experienced a few iterations of their software, I have watched them innovate, collaborate and elevate themselves to a true player in the world of cloud based note taking software. As an aspiring techie myself I look at companies like Evernote with the utmost respect. They are doing everything I preach about when it comes to social sales, amazing products, beautiful user interfaces, customer support to match and a culture of innovation.

“Other companies and start-ups would do well to look at Evernote as a model for how companies should think about creating, marketing and selling their products; online or otherwise”.

I used the free version of Evernote for a long time. I have sent countless invites to friends, family and even strangers. I am really just now learning all the intricacies and deeper functionality of Evernote. I am discovering  the true potential locked inside this powerful app and I absolutely love it. I always tell my friends that “Evernote will change your life if you let it” and, for that alone, I’ll pay for an Premium account for as long as they sell them. Why? Because I know they will only get better as time goes on. How do I know this? Well… because that’s the only thing they’ve ever done.

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Do you use Evernote? Did I miss your favorite feature? Tell me what you think down in the comments section. 

The links in this article are affiliate links. If you got some value out of this article or decide to download Evernote, help a brother out and use the links above so I can get credit for the referral.

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9 Common Collaboration Mistakes That Could Cost You Big

The Collaborative Conundrum

It seems like these days, everyone wants to collaborate. The problem with collaboration is that people often mistake it to mean that you are willing to work with them for free. They think that collaboration means you are going to set your ambitions aside in order to help them achieve their goal. The truth about collaboration is that it is more difficult to pull off than people think.

I have collaborated quite a bit over the last few years. Some of those collaborations have been quite fruit-full and others, not-so-much. I have, over time, compiled a list of common collaboration mistakes and thought I would share them with you. They were initially published as part of another article I wrote on collaboration but I thought they were worthy of their own post.

Got any crazy collaboration stories? Leave them in the comments below. 
 

Avoid These 9 Common Collaboration Mistakes:

Before you begin your next collaborative project make sure you keep away from these major mistakes.

1.Terrible communication:

All parties need to be on the same page in order for effective collaboration to take place. You can use a note sharing app like Evernote or google docs to share ideas and work through the planning stages together. Whether you use software, note sharing or paper airplanes to stay connected you must have some established form of communication in order to collaborate effectively.

2. Failing to plan:

Collaboration is fun when it is spontaneous and you just happen to stumble across it but planning a meeting at least a week ahead allows people to better fit it into their schedule. Considering participation is key to collaboration, giving people a real opportunity to participate is vital to doing it right.

3. Selfish Collaborators: 

You must be willing to let people show you how they can contribute. It is impossible to discover anyone’s hidden (or not so hidden) talents if you don’t provide an environment for them to freely express and explore their creative faculties. Collaboration should not be sidestepped due to ideological interjections. People need to be free to explore the collaboration in whatever method makes them most creative. Judging books by their cover is a good way to miss out on a great collaboration experience. Do not let any insecurities prevent you from opening doors in life wherever you go. You never know who might be standing behind it.

4. Loud Mouths:

You know who you are. I am not talking about the guy in the corner who knows what he is talking about and interjects with useful contributions. I am talking about the ignorant tweedleberry who just likes hearing the sound of his own voice in a room with more than just himself sitting in it. Please know what you are talking about or don’t talk about it. Nothing will strip you of your credibility faster than bloviating on a subject on which you have only a marginal understanding. Shut your mouth, take a few notes and go Google that shit. Then maybe next time you can contribute something meaningful to the conversation instead of wasting everyone’s time.

5. Participation Trophies:

If you say you are going to do something or be somewhere or get something done, then do it. It is that simple. Do not expect the other collaborators to cover your quota. You must be engaged and willing to deliver on your word. You do not get credit just for showing up!

6. Keeping Quiet:

If something is bothering you then speak up. How is anyone supposed to fix anything if they all think its working fine. Leadership means speaking up. You might be surprised at who stands with you. This doesn’t mean you throw a creative coup, just that in order for this to be a meaningful collaboration you have to feel satisfied as well. In order to make sure this happens please refer back to miscue number one!

7. Too Much Structure:

It is important to guide the collaboration but not necessarily to control it. Too much of an effort to control the collaboration can result in an unhappy group. Also, be flexible with how people are compensated/rewarded for their efforts. Some people might need to make money from their collaborations and others might just be looking to pad a resume, gain a little experience or build some new relationships.

8. Political Posturing:

I am not talking about Washington DC politics. I am talking about back office, highschool clique style politics. You are not the only person with good ideas and there are often many solutions to every problem. Just because the collaboration is not taking place around your personal idea does not mean you get to run away from the table. You can’t run off to mommy every time someone gives you some harsh criticism. Learn to delegate and step back once in a while. One of the hardest lessons for a leader to learn is that in order to lead you must first know how to follow.

9. Sabotage:

This is the worst of all of them and is the only one that involves malicious behavior. Do not take advantage of someone under the pretext of collaboration. Do not steal an idea from your fellow collaborator only to pass it off as your own. Do not waste the labors of others with tedious repetition or futile propositions. You are hated amongst all of us in the creative world who would share our trust and knowledge with only the expectation of reciprocation, only to be slapped in the face by a sneaky saboteur. This is not cool and might even call for public humiliation. Maybe a titty twister in times square or an indian burn by Chuck Norris. Either way, it should hurt because you make it infinitely more difficult for the rest of us to do our thing.

Did I Miss Anything?

I am sure there are a number of other collaboration mistakes being made on a regular basis. Feel free to let me know what I missed in the comments section below.

Image Credit: https://hdl.handle.net/2440/51125

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The Night I Met Molly

My friends have been trying to introduce the two of us for a while now; I just haven’t been all that interested in meeting anyone new lately. I have never actually seen her but she has quite the reputation. I hear she is not much to look at, but they assure me we will get along fine, apparently we have a lot in common; we are both awesome and unpredictable.

I am a little worried because I hear she gets around. I’m not one to judge, or jump to conclusions, but I’m not in a hurry to feel like a whore either. I don’t want to be just another notch on her belt, though; I am rather curious to see what all the fuss is about. Surely she can’t be everything they say she is… can she?

The Decision

I keep telling my friends that I am not looking for a relationship but they assure me that she is not the relationship type. I figured, “what the heck”. I’m in need of a distraction in my life right about now, so I selfishly set my apprehensions aside and agreed to meet her. What’s the worst that can happen?

I selfishly set my apprehensions aside and agreed to meet her. What is the worst that can happen?

Later that day, I found myself debating whether I would truly be ok using her for my situational gratification? Could we really just enjoy each other casually, without attachment? Could I calm my concerns and simply enjoy her company, no-strings-attached? One date would not be so bad… would it?

Part of me is getting a little nervous. I am not looking to fall in love, but If she is half as amazing as everyone makes her out to be, then how will I ever resist a second date? What happens if I fall hopelessly in lust and find myself unable to control my composure.

We Meet

We decided to meet at a friends house. We picked a neutral site so there would be no unnecessary pressure on either of us. Mutual friends would be close in case things got awkward. We figured, worst case scenario, we would meet, feel each other out and then go our separate ways if things didn’t work out.

But the conversation was effortless, and before long we were lost. Oblivious to our surroundings, enthralled in the experience of each other’s company.

She Makes A Move

Every so often her leg would brush up against mine and I knew she was doing it on purpose. At one point she put her hand on my thigh and it was as if she had reached right through my skin, down to the bone, squeezed a nerve, and sent a chill running through my spine, up into my brain, culminating in a shiver that shook my entire body.

I had been warned about this; I knew she was making her move. I resisted the temptation to run off alone with her; there would be plenty of time for that later. Instead, we just sat there and enjoyed the moment. Slowly building on the tension that was quickly filling the air between us, growing stronger, growing evermore intense as the night went on.

My jaw clenched and my body quaked at the indecision of the emotions that were filling my head. The music coursed through us as if the radio knew just what we needed to hear at exactly the right moment. I looked around at one point and noticed that no one else was around us. We were alone with each other but surrounded by something I could not explain.

As time passed we grew closer still. By the end of the night we were in a full embrace, unable to keep our hands off of each other, consumed by the night, and in that moment I saw myself for the first time. Unencumbered by the constraints of society or the judgement of the people around me. It was like she reached down my throat, grabbed everything good that had ever been inside of me and smacked me In the face with it; setting me free, if only in that moment.

It was like she reached down my throat, grabbed everything good that had ever been inside of me and smacked me In the face with it; setting me free, if only in that moment.

My friends were right. 

She was not the prettiest girl at the party and I’m not sure there is any real long-term potential, but there was definitely something irresistibly attractive about her. She understood me and made me feel like we had been friends our whole lives. She wasn’t everything they told me she would be but I definitely want to see her again.

What do you think? Have you had an experience like this? Let me know about it in the comments below!

Image credit: https://s1300.photobucket.com/user/ShurshCrazy/media/Random%20Pics/null_zps1faa528e.jpg.html

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The Evil Inside Me

I am a parasite, I live deep within you. I make it impossible for you to stay true.

A cancer in your soul, no cure, no treatment! I feed on your peace and your moments of weakness.

You call out for change but I know you don’t mean it; you beg me to stop but but I can’t hear you scream it.

 

We know each other and we coexist but deep down you know you cannot resist.

The pull of my power, the draw of my name, your deepest desires to relish in pain.

The pain of others, a pain you can spread, a pain that sparks, the dark thoughts in your head.

 

Where do I come from? You haven’t a clue, but still, here I sit, deep within you.

Waiting, hoping, stalking my prey, counting and pacing as you run away.

Knowing that no matter how hard you run, you will never escape me because you and I, are one.

More Poetry

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South

A Mostly factual account of the events that precipitated my move from Ohio to Florida. March, 2004

New Feature: Listen instead of read!

You can still find the full text below but I know most people don’t really like to read so…. your welcome!

Be sure to let me know what you think about this new feature down in the comments below.

[soundcloud url=”https://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/121412515″ width=”100%” height=”166″ iframe=”true” /]

Full Text:

There is no real ambition amongst most of my friends, no drive and no desire to escape this lower middle class monotony that we call life. I have a little side gig making fake ID’s out of my bedroom at my parents house. One of many skills I picked up and perfected during a short stint as a student at an overpriced art school in Detroit. I specialize in Georgia, Michigan and Ohio drivers licenses, and all of my friends have them. I can even replicate a hologram using this pearlescent paint I found online. They aren’t perfect but they work well enough and people pay whatever I ask, so I’m not really complaining.

I also work part time as the head lifeguard at an indoor pool where I oversee some of the lifeguard staff, manage some of the minor pool maintenance and coordinate a portion of the aquatic programming. Outside of work, whenever I am not making ID’s, I spend my nights bar hopping, trying my luck at various pool tournaments around town or drinking with friends late in to the night.

I sleep in most mornings. I’ll wake up with just enough time to do it all over again the next day. I recently found out that one of my regular ID customers is using them to cash stolen social security and tax return checks. I thought it was strange that he would need so many ID’s from me, all with different addresses, but I didn’t put two and two together until the friend who referred him to me spilled the beans.

“Do I really care?”

He pays me $150 per ID and orders multiple times per week. I know it’s not right but the money is good and it’s tax free. Between that and the steady referrals from friends and underage college kids, it’s all I can do to keep up with the demand.

I have already been warned that if I continue to make the ID’s my parents are going to kick me out of the house, not to mention the criminal charges I might face if I get caught, but I keep making them. I’ve actually been considering investing in a professional grade card printer. I found one online that will print both sides of a real plastic card and even encode all of the information on the magnetic strip. Right now I print them on photo paper, glue the two sides together and then laminate them together to get that plastic card feel.

I know it sounds sketchy but they are actually pretty realistic and will pass most random inspections. If the bouncer starts bending it, trying to fold it or really looks closely you are pretty much screwed. Most of the time a bouncer will just tell you to get lost and keep the fake ID but if there is a cop around you’re probably going to get arrested. I recommend you try another place if there is a cop by the door and eventually you’ll learn which places are the most lenient.

“If you do get caught it’s on you bitch! Drop my name and I’m coming after you hard.”

***

It’s hot. Not unreasonably hot for a local, but for a guy born and raised in the Midwest, it’s verging on unbearable. I wasn’t even supposed to be here right now but my brother couldn’t make the trip so I came instead. Mom and I on Spring break in Sarasota Florida. One of many trips to visit my dad who moved down here a year ago. They are still together but who knows for how much longer. I am not sure if they are still together to protect us from the pain of divorce or if they’re just waiting for my brother to finish his last year of high school. I don’t think they can tell but I know it’s over, it’s just a matter of time.

It’s been a long time since I was on a vacation and considering my recent decision not to return to college, it is a welcome escape from my typical routine. It’s not like I really need it. My whole life is pretty much a vacation right now. But still, here I am, relaxing in the pool, working on my tan while Dad is at work and Mom reads the paper.

“Wait… Where the hell did she get a newspaper?”

She never reads the newspaper and we don’t get it delivered to the house so it seems a little strange to see her reading it.

“Come look at this” she shouted across the pool. I make my way over to where she was sitting to look at an advertisement for a sales position at a local car dealership.

$36,000+ guaranteed first year income it read.

They would be accepting applications for the next few days and there were immediate openings for their next sales training program.

I hadn’t planned on looking for work while I was down here, not to mention that I have no sales experience whatsoever, but she insisted that we stop by and at least grab an application on the way back from the beach that afternoon.

“What the heck” I thought to myself. “That’s more money than I make now, even with the ID’s”

I’ve been complaining about not doing anything with my life. I just dropped out of school, and I don’t really have anything (legal) going for me back home. I figured “Why the hell not?”.

***

I walked up to the car dealership wearing a white button up collared shirt, half unbuttoned with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. It was wrinkled as if I had just pulled it from a beach bag; because… I had just pulled it out of a beach bag. I was wearing my favorite shorts over top of a damp swim suit so there was an outline around the seat of my pants from sitting in the car on the ride over.

Before the sliding glass doors to the showroom had opened completely I was greeted by a salesman who approached me as if I was there to buy a car.

“I am here to fill out an application” I told him as I walked into the showroom.

He looked at me as if I was stupid or had just smacked him in the face and told me to “go see the receptionist” and he went back to his post, waiting for his next victim.

“Was this really the change I was looking for?”

“This is how you dress for a job interview?” Said the guy behind the table as I introduced myself.

“What? No, I…” stuttered as I tried to tell him that I was just there to pick up an application. Turns out that had I “read the fine print” I would have known that they were holding interviews on the spot.

“I can come back” I explained but he told me not to worry about it.

“Just fill out the application and have a seat over there.”

Gary came over to greet me and give me the once over. After giving me a little more grief about my attire, he invited me back to his office for the interview. I’ve always been a smooth talker so I just told him what I thought he wanted to hear, answered his questions to the best of my ability and crossed my fingers through the whole thing. I still wasn’t sure I wanted the job but I wanted to be the one to make that decision so I put my best game face on during the entire interview.

I’m not that worried, they are looking for a hustler after-all, and I’ve been hustling since I was knee high to a grasshopper. I used to help my mom deliver newspapers in the snow and I even had my own paper route by the time I was 11. I always understood the value of working hard but liked the idea of working smarter instead. I didn’t figure telling them about the fake ID’s would win me any points so I left that out during the interview, all in all, I left the dealership thinking it had gone pretty well.

The next day the phone rang. It was Gary, apparently I did enough to overcome my inappropriate attire and he wanted me to begin the sales training course this coming Wednesday.

“Holy moving too fast batman!”

It was all good news but there was one problem: my flight back to Ohio was scheduled for Thursday. It was life-changing decision making time.

I had to decide whether to:

A: postpone the flight, take the training and make a spontaneous, cross-state, move to Florida

or

B: Pass on this opportunity and fly back to my outlaw lifestyle of lameness in Ohio.

It wasn’t much of a decision really. I called the airline and pushed my flight back to Saturday so that I could take the training course. I still wasn’t sure wanted the job but I figured I would take the class and get a taste for the type of work I would be doing before fully committing.

I quickly realized that there were other hurdles I would have to overcome. Basically, I don’t own any dress clothes. Considering I am expected to show up in a shirt and tie for the training class this poses a serious problem.

Dress clothes are expensive as hell and I have about $100 bucks to my name right now. Mom saved the day though and with a quick trip to Wal-Mart, I realized that everything would be ok. I picked up a few of the tackiest ties I could find, a couple pair of cheap dress pants and dress shirts and I was ready to rock! #ThanksMom

The training was a breeze, I soon discovered that I was a natural at understanding the sales process and quickly became the teachers (Alex) pet. He was the same guy who had questioned my attire when I first came for the interview, the man behind the table that I talked to before being turned over to Gary.

We laughed at that experience as I explained the entire situation in more detail. I had fun in the training, thought selling cars would be something I’d have no problem doing and decided that I would in fact embark on this adventure.

My flight landed in Columbus mid-afternoon Saturday. I promptly loaded everything I owned in to the back of my Hyundai Tiburon and wondered how this adventure would play out over time. I had called work from Florida and let them know that this Sunday would be my last day. Short notice for sure, but I had a world to explore. The next day I went to work at the pool for the last time before my long drive back to Florida.

***

Every Sunday was Service Industry Night at one of the bars/pool halls we frequented. My friends and I would go each week for the cheap drinks and free pool. We had become friends with the bartenders over time and decided it was only natural to throw down at our favorite Sunday spot considering this would be the last time we would all be able to hang out for a while.

Family friends, childhood friends and a number of other people I hadn’t seen in a long time stopped by to say goodbye and wish me luck. We got drunk early, pounding shots, chugging beers and smoking cigarettes. I was on a mission to drink any doubts about my new adventure under the table. Everything was happening so fast.

A girl I had met before but didn’t know too well saw us all in the corner of the pool hall and came over with her friend to hang out with us for the night. There had never really been anything between us other than flirtation, but this night felt different. Maybe it was the excitement of the new job and move to Florida or maybe it was the six shots I had already thrown down but I knew I was about to get lucky. As the night passed I could feel the sexual tension between us growing. We drank more, eventually started making out and next thing you know we were at her place across the highway from the pool hall.

“Do you like to party?” She asked for the third time.

“Sure” I replied wondering why she was asking me so much considering we just left “my party”.

I would soon discover that my definition of “party” and her definition of “party” were from two different planets. Eventually, I figured out that she was trying to discreetly ask me if I wanted to snort cocaine with her. I had never done it before and I was definitely curious. Between the booze and the voices coming from my little head, my big head was having a hard time deciding what to do. I was verging on the edge of adventure.

I didn’t do it. I know I’d love it, but knowing me, I would have been instantly addicted. Within a week I would be on the corner of some crowded intersection offering to suck random dicks in order to get enough money for my next fix.

Later on I would regret not letting her snort a couple lines of coke of the shaft of my dick, but I was way too drunk to be that creative.

Instead it was off to the couch for me while she ran to her room to snort the 8-ball all by herself. There I sat in the darkness of her living room; alone, drunk, slightly erect and more than just a little pissed off.

When I woke up she was still crashed out in her room. I knocked but couldn’t wake her. I worried for a moment about her safety and then about how I would get home. She never woke up but I did get a hold of a good friend who had been with me the night before and asked him to come pick me up.

I sat there waiting for him to show up and couldn’t help but notice her purse sitting wide open on the coffee table. Right on top was a hundred dollar bill, maybe one that she had used to snort coke at some other time in her life.

I don’t know why I did it: maybe because she didn’t have sex with me, maybe because I was broke or maybe because I really am just that big an asshole. Regardless, I snatched that hundred dollar bill from her purse and walked right out the front door to meet my friend in the parking lot.

I would never see her again. Fuck it.

***

The drive began early Monday afternoon. My tiny car packed tight with everything I owned. Some miscellaneous clothes, computer and fake ID equipment along with a small TV. I had to leave some stuff behind, not knowing or really caring whether I would ever have a chance to come back and get it all.

I was looking in one direction and one direction only. Forward.

The doubts that creep into your head on a drive like this are terrifying. “What If I fail? What if I suck at selling cars? When will I make new friends? Where will I be in 5 years? Am I making the right decision? Should I turn around? What the hell am I doing?”

My bank account had a hundred or so dollars in it. I had the Franklin from the prude coke-head last night sitting in my wallet but there was no back-up plan. I’ve never been a saver, most all of my money is spent on drinks, partying and gambling on the pool table. I would be getting a small paycheck form the pool this coming Friday which will hopefully get me through to my first commission check from the car dealership.

I hate stopping on long drives. I just want to get from point “A” to point “B” as quickly as possible. This is the first trip of this length I have ever done alone but driving solo is nothing new to me. Thankfully the car is reliable and I had no mechanical issues to worry about on the way down. I do however, have to worry about exhaustion. I’m hung over and tired, but the excitement of new opportunities far outweighs my fatigue. For now.

***

I woke up to the horn of a truck honking at me from the next lane over. Half asleep, I realized that part of my car was no longer on the road.

Whizzing by on my left were the stanchions supporting the median divider. I had already passed over the rumble strip designed to alert me in precisely this situation. I could feel the lack of control in the steering wheel as the tires underneath me transitioned from asphalt to grass. My heart hit the top of my throat and I braced for the impact that was certain to follow. It never came.

I was somehow able to regain control of the car without rolling or even having any of my stuff fly all over the place. With only 60 miles left, this was all the adrenaline I needed to stay alert for the rest of the drive. It was about 7:00 am and I had driven straight through the night. I got to my Dad’s apartment as he was getting ready to leave for work. It was Tuesday morning.

I fell asleep on his bed when he left for work. I decided I would unpack the car later on after a nap. Not like there was much to unpack anyway. I had to rest, my sales life was about to begin.

 

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Washington is beyond broken

It is so bad that 65% of Americans say we should throw them all out. My most recent video gives them a little reminder of what thir responsibilities are to “We The People”. Read more

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Through the ups and downs I keep only one thing in mind. “I have to be right!”

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What Is Love? [Poem]

Sarasota Eternal kiss at sunset

Dedicated to Chris and Brooke Braun

A Poem by Raymmar Tirado

Is it a feeling? An emotion? An inkling? A notion?
A moment of weakness, a moment of faith, a moment to expose our most sacred place.
A place in our hearts that we locked with a key, that is until you said you loved me.
 
The truth is that real love is hard, it won’t stay the same. Love is a journey, burdened by change.
It’s not a game, it’s not an emotion, its a decision I make each day with devotion.
An invitation for you to forever share, a promise I make to always be there.
There in your life when you need me most, a promise to always pull you in close.
 
My hand on your heart, your hand on mine, two souls connected forever in time.
I’ll do my best and try to treat you right but one of these days we’re bound to fight.
Hopefully less than our moments of glee but no matter what, I’ll never flee.
I won’t let you go, I’ve made up my mind, today and tomorrow, you’ll always be mine.
 
My decision for love is one that won’t fold, and there’s no telling what our future might hold.
Our journey begins on this special day, and no matter what, we will find a way.
There’s no telling what we can do side by side, and that’s where I’ll be till the day that I die.
 
So what is love? It’s a funny little thing, defined this day with the exchanging of rings.
A reminder each day of this moment in time, a reminder each day that YOU are all mine.
A small symbol for such a big word, and I’m still not sure what I did to deserve, The love I’ve been given, to have and to hold my feelings for you won’t go untold.
Let no one deny that our love is true, and however you say it, my love; is you.
 
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This video spawned from a poem that I wrote one night after dealing with some personal issues with someone who I thought was a friend of mine. It is not necessarily directed at any individual but more of a combined message to everyone and everything that has ever held me back in life.

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