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This is the second post in my 30 day creative writing challenge. Click here to learn about the challenge or explore the other posts in this series.

I’m not very good at love…

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Actually, I’ve destroyed every relationship I’ve ever been in.

The biggest trophy in my case of fuck-ups came from a four year relationship that ended in divorce. But I’m over it, or at least that’s what I tell people.

The truth is, that when you truly love someone (at least in my jaded perspective) you give them a part of your soul. You give them a small piece of yourself that you will never get back. And the pain that comes from having that person rip it from you and run away with it forever is one that will never fully fade away. You can simply hope to get better at living with a little less of yourself inside.

I was heartbroken for a long time after my divorce. Unable to let others in. Unable to let anyone love me because I hated myself.

Over time, my heart grew cold. I slowly became jaded, callous and cynical. There seemed to be a process of petrification that was consuming my heart and soul from the inside out.

I have only had one relationship with any ounce of importance since then, a relationship that showed me that there might be a chance for me to love again. A relationship that probably never would have worked, but one that felt right in the moment. A fate I’ll never know because I walked away from it to chase my dreams. The same dream that leaves me here in front of you. Alone.

I have however, recently seen a few holes in the armor that protects my heart. There have been a few moments where I have allowed the thought of being that happy again to cross my mind. But only for a split second. Then I slam the shit out of that door and tell myself that “there is no time for a distraction right now!” I tell myself that I must get it right this time and that there is no more room for failure! Definitely no time for women! Only work, art and self hate.

But that’s not true. If there is one thing I should be making time for in my life right now, it’s love. Not necessarily with someone of the opposite sex, but for myself. And it’s that thought process that leads me to remember that at the beginning of this year I made a single resolution. It was not to lose weight, it was not to get into better shape, make more money, buy a nice car or anything like that. My resolution was simple. Learn how to love.

I wanted to learn how to love myself again so that others might have a chance at actually loving me. Because if I learned one thing from all of those failed relationships in the past, it’s that I must be true to myself in order to expect someone to be true to me.

But being true has been hard. Being true in the life of me can be quite scary. The thoughts on this website have cost me more than $150,000 dollars in consulting work over the last two years and being this open, especially about my personal life, makes it very hard for me to date.

Not to mention that I’m a tough person to get along with for any length of time. I am stubborn, sarcastic, prideful and I like to talk shit. Over time I wear people down, just like I wear myself down. Eventually they just get tired of it. Tired of me.

I’ve lived with myself and the harshness for a long time now so I know how to handle it when I get too aggressive. Something that is not as easy for others to do. Especially with any regularity.

They do not understand that it is the only way I know how to be. That those moments of loud assholery are me trying to communicate with them and not knowing how to do it any other way. It’s like some sick twisted joke I play on myself. “Let’s see how fast you can scare this one away Raymmar!”

But I’ve gotten tired of it. Tired of myself.

This was the year I wanted to change all that. I wanted to try and understand others better. I wanted to be more empathetic and emotionally available. But it has been a hard transition. And I have to admit that I have not been doing a very good job of living up to that resolution.

But then I met her.

She absolutely baffles me. She is more beautiful than I deserve and she makes me laugh. I can be honest with her and she has even seen some of my darkness and still came back for seconds. I think it might be the main reason we could work. Because our pains have connected.

I can feel an energy on her that is the same energy that I have lived with for so long. The hatred that comes from being betrayed by your closest friend. The energy that comes from holding it all in. From never letting anyone see you for who you really are. The pain that comes with hiding from yourself. Form your emotions. From pretending to be stronger than you are.

I know that pain. I don’t know the specifics of her pain, but I want to. I want to know everything about her. The good and the bad. Because if I am going to learn how to love again, I have to be willing to lose again. Because that is what I would want someone to want from me. Because I am only interested in someone who can see the darkness inside of me and still chose to stay. And what better way to get what you want in this world than to let someone know that you’re looking for it.

So yeah, she slept over last night, but we didn’t have sex. And honestly, I’m ok with that.

I’ll be ok with that for as long as it takes to find out whatever it is that we need to find out about each other before we are open to taking that next step. Before we find out where the next turn leads in the early stages of whatever this dance we are doing might be. Until we can communicate about what we want from each other and from ourselves. And until that moment comes and neither of us hesitates.

 

Click here to learn more about my 30 Days of Thought Challenge

We have all heard Einsteins definition of insanity (or was it a Chinese proverb?) as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. It is something that people throw out via meme, tweet, t-shirt, bumper sticker etc. yet, almost every one of us continues to do the same thing day after day. We are after all, creatures of habit. And I am not the exception.

I like to talk shit about how the world works and bloviate about politics and philosophy, but I rarely take the time to look at myself. Sure I beat myself up here and there, but I rarely talk in depth about my real flaws or focus on the fact that I am often part of the problem, not of the solution.

Give me a website that is not converting and I can show you how to drive traffic, build engagement and increase conversions. It’s like optimizing digital products comes naturally to me, but ask me to fix myself and the blinders come on. My ego throws up a wall that stops me from objectively looking at what is really wrong. I raise the barriers and start to defend my behaviors. I get frustrated and of course, nothing changes. Then, like clockwork, I begin to hate myself for being so stubborn.

But today I am trying something different. Today is the first of my 30 Days of Thought Challenge, and I have decided to do something completely different today than I have done every day for the last 5+ years of my life. Starting with this post and the admission that I need to change myself before I can ask or guide others to change themselves.

That being said, not only am I starting a writing challenge, but I will also be working to change a few of my bad behaviors over the next 29 days as well. For instance, today I set and alarm for the first time in years, I woke up early and I even thought about eating a healthy lunch. See, who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks? But those are all surface issues and this is where I hit my first real barrier.

You see, I have been struggling with a few issues that I am not sure I’m ready to share just yet, but I have a sneaky suspicion that they may all come out during the course of this challenge. I intend to purge my mind, body and spirit over the next 30 days and I’m going to do it right here on this blog. So I hope you’ll join me because I am going to need your support in sticking with this thing.

If you do decide to join me on this quest, thenfeel free to share your 30 Days of Thought with me as we go along. Feel free to use the same format, and then share your thoughts in the comments of each article or send them via email to 30DOT@raymmar.com

You can also share with us on social media by tweeting @RayTirado and using the #30DOT in your posts!

That is all for today. See you fuckers tomorrow.

Just a note:

Most of my blog articles are super long and heady. This challenge is not about posting long, well articulated arguments about how the world works. This experiment is about sticking to a new set of behaviors over the next 30 days in order to try and change some of my stubborn habits. That being said, these posts may be all over the place. Think of them as unedited journal entires. There may be some typos here and there and sometimes they might be short, sometimes they might be super long. At the end of the day, I am just challenging myself to stick with it for 30 days and then look back from there.

I challenge you to join me in organizing your thoughts and connecting with the real you. #30DOT

In this podcast, I talk with John Lyon who is a researcher for one of the top financial research firms in the country. His research and advice helps direct the people who manage billions upon billions of investment dollars and I wanted to ask him a few questions about the current fiscal climate and where he sees the future of the monetary system as a whole. We also get into China and the monetary moves they are making and dive into a concept I am calling open source sales. Something I think could completely change the world of sales as we know it. But if you think this is just going to be another boring talk about those little green pieces of paper that we call money, then you must have lost your mind, because after all, this, is Raymmar Radio! So kick back, and let’s get this shit started!

Resources mentioned in this podcast:

China moving against the dollar Ripples on the surface Homegrown Learners – Growing learners one day at a time Learn more about my ventures.


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I think it’s safe to assume that YouTube is here to stay as a major player in the world of new-media. They are already giving the major cable TV networks a run for their money when it comes to advertising revenue. And over the next few years, they will continue to disrupt a market that for so long has been the sole domain of big money production studios.

With more than 100 hours of video uploaded to YouTube every minute and the growing ease by which anyone can produce high quality video, it’s hard to think that the current TV model will survive for much longer. Many people (myself included) are moving away from the traditional TV experience (at least in the concept of scheduled television). And in my humble opinion, TV as we know it is going to evolve dramatically over the next 5-10 years.

That being said, YouTube is still new to most people (at least as a TV surrogate) and with so many still writing it off as simply “a place for stupid videos” I wanted to show you how I get value out of it as an educational resource. I wanted to share some of the YouTube channels that have helped shape and influence the way I see the world. And share with you some of the places where I spend hours of my life, learning, watching and otherwise being entertained.

Enjoy.

#1 – Vsauce

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I found Michael more than a year ago, and he has been blowing my mind ever since. Whether he’s explaining how much a shadow weighs or explaining once and for all, why the chicken actually crossed the road, he has a way of boiling science, history and current events down to their core components and presenting them inside of one beautifully succinct question.

He asks questions such as What if everyone jumped at once and What if the earth stopped spinning? He explains The science of the friend zone as well as why we have two nostrils, while keeping the viewer in a weird, scientific trance of awesomeness that will surely leave you coming back for more.

#2 – Veritasium

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Veritasium is similar in style to Vsauce but has a little heavier emphasis on the hard science of the concepts they explain. Most of these videos also start with an interesting question, like What is not random and Will this go faster than light? I like this channel because they dive deep into the world of theoretical physics while also explaining some real life concepts about how the world actually works.

#3 – ASAP Science

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Starting to see a trend here? I love science and I love to explore how the world works. I love learning about science as much as I love to learn about social issues, politics or anything else. The problem is that I have a short attention span so the science has to be interesting and easily digestible.

Ding. Enter ASAP Science. As the name states, these short science videos get right to the point but do not skimp on information. Take their recent video on the science of depression or this one where they ask how much sleep any of us actually needs. Rarely longer than 4 minutes these videos are all done using simple whiteboard animations and voice overs. They also have a great sense of humor, and answer questions like does size really matter and should you hover or cover the toilet seat? Before you know it, you will have spent hours watching these short, interesting videos about all aspects of science and life.

#4 – MinutePhysics

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If you thought ASAP Science was hard hitting then brace for impact because MinutePhysics is going to speed things up a bit. As the name implies, most of these videos are around a minute or two long and they typically focus in – like a laser beam – on one one basic physics concept.

Want to debate evolution vs creationism in two minutes and forty nine seconds? Click here. Want to know how the modern light bulb works, or why the solar system is flat? No problem. Want to know why the moon looks better in the winter, or maybe you want to understand how microwaves work in less than ten seconds. They got that too. Seriously, it’s all there. Just keep an eye on the clock because for now, time travel is not possible. Or is it?

#5 – How Stuff Works

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I just found this channel recently and I was instantly wrapped up in their “Stuff they don’t want you to know series.” Seeing as how I spent 2 hours watching their 4-6 minute long videos, I had to include it on the list.

I learned about China’s infiltration of Africa, the war on drugs, historical revision and the Vatican archives. And that was just to get started. Then I went on to learn about giants, Washington D.C., and finally, an interesting video about Facebook and their data gathering practices.

I wanted more about most of their topics, and like most of these videos, they just skim the surface of the issue but to me that’s part of the fun. It’s part of my quest to explore everything. A journey that often takes me across the battlefield of ideas and pushes me to question my understanding of everything.

#6 – Smarter Every Day

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Destin is a lovable guy with southern charm that will definitely help you get smarter every time you watch one of his videos. He will show you what it looks like to shoot an AK-47 underwater, – in slow motion – explains how Houdini probably died, and will even show you what it looks like to get tattooed in slow motion. He often includes his kids in his video and you can tell he brings a lot of passion to what he does. Throw that in with some serious knowledge and you will be an instant fan.

#7 – vlogBrothers

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Hank and John are the vlogBrothers and they bring some fast paced back and forth, as they video blog their discussions on real world issues to one another. Want to know what is going on in Hong Kong with a young and relevant flare? Click here. Care to know more about the net neutrality argument? Click here. Looking for something a little less heady? Then check out this video that runs through 53 of the most terrible jokes you’ve ever heard.  With a great mix of substance and style, it is easy to get wrapped up in their playful banter and like the rest of these channels, you run the risk of losing lots of hours watching these videos.

#8 – zefrank1

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As the executive vice president of video at BuzzFeed and vlogging pioneer, Zefrank drives home his point with substance and style. His video on why trust is worth it will move you emotionally and this video about being inside of a shell might inspire you to step out of your comfort zone, but he also drops real world facts about things like the octopus, the armadillo, and my personal favorite, the CuttleFish. Because that is how Zefrank do!

#9 – Andrei Oprinca

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I no longer watch many of his videos but I had to include his channel on this list. His videos brought me back up to speed with Photoshop and taught me to become the plastic surgeon of pixels that I am today. Seriously, if you want to learn how to get better at anything Photoshop then click here.

#10 – Casey Neistat

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This is a guilty pleasure channel for me. Sure he has done videos for Nike about making it count and has traveled all over the world. But more than anything I have learned to love the simplicity of his videos and the style in which he edits his work. His studio is wildly functional and the guy literally snowboarded the streets of NYC. Neistat has a way of stringing images, video and sounds into these beautiful compositions that will inspire every part of your creative desires. If you are looking for creative inspiration and how to tackle big projects with small budgets then this is the channel for you.

#11 – CGP Grey

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If you only watch one of his videos, the above one should be it. This is my favorite CGP Grey video so far and it explains some of the problems we face as a society due to the proliferation of technology and how that is affecting the job market.

This channel also does a great job explaining complex issues in a concise way. Topics you didn’t even know were up for debate get put into perspective like how many countries are there, what is a continent and discussing whether or not Texas can secede from the union? What about the difference between England and Great Britain? Want to know about the European Union or more about Vatican City no problem? No topic too big or two small for them to simplify. This is seriously one of the smartest channels on YouTube.

#12 – The Journey of Purpose

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I have to be in the right kind of mood to tune into this channel for too long but if you are looking for some deep thinking, heavy philosophy or other inspirational videos then this is a good place to start. Alan Watts is a regular voice over and you can get lost in the ideas themselves so make sure you bring your thinking cap when you flip these guys on.

#13 – Of course, yours truly

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I couldn’t publish a list about YouTube channels and not mention my own. Although young and lacking in the depth of some of these other channels, we have had some early success with videos about racism and trying to explain the debt limit. I also dabble in poetry and inspirational videos and video is definitely in the plan for our overall web strategy.If you are a regular reader of the Raymmar.com blog, then you should just click subscribe and help a brother out.


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Sticks and stones my ass. Words hurt like hell and they have the power to destroy. They can control you, drive you, push and pull you. Words are all things and words are nothing. Everything is a word, and according to Urban Dictionary, so is this but…

What exactly is a word?

If you Google the word “word,” you get this:

noun – 1. a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others (or sometimes alone) to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed.

And if you dig a little deeper, (all the way down to the next result) you find this definition:

: a sound or combination of sounds that has a meaning and is spoken or written

or

: a brief remark or conversation : something that a person says

Getting closer but words are stronger than that

Words are the foundation of everything we do; of everything we are. They are the mechanism by which you are currently reading my thoughts, and they are the core components of communication in any real sense.

There is no other way to describe in detail, the events of any particular moment in time, without diving into the words of some other individuals reality. And even if you could, how would you describe it without words?

Sure there are pictures and video, but the world captured inside of them must also rely upon words.

Words are the purpose of art.

Art is the visual expression of the words inside of an artists head. The visual representation of emotion. Interpretations designed to spark thought. Thoughts that can drive words from your mind to your mouth. From pen to paper.

A writer must paint with no brush and shoot video with no camera. They must reach through the eyes of a reader using these silly arrangements of letters that we call words, and those words must appeal to intellect, as well as emotion. They must move the audience with substance, not simply with style.

Words are pictures that develop right in front of the readers eyes. A painting that is perpetually being painted. A writers canvas is the reader’s brain and his medium is the combined thoughts and ideas of each individual reader themselves. Impossible to be completely understood unless the message is received in context and in its entirety.

Writing is a form of art where each observer is required to participate actively in order for its true impact to be felt. The reader must give in and allow the author access to their brain. Leaving them completely exposed, if only briefly, to the mind of another man.

Words are the DNA of language. They are the root of commerce, the basis for human interaction, and most definitely the ruler of every religion.

Put words in an old enough book and they become history. A snapshot from another world, a moment captured in time and displayed for anyone to explore.

Words are the ultimate level playing field.

Words allow you to travel through time, and are entrusted with recording history. They are the sum knowledge of our entire species, and are a requisite to educate and inform societies. It is the responsibility of words to fill the pages on the scripts of life.

Words, or the lack thereof, are the root of every battle between good and evil.

Those who can use words to captivate audiences and project their visions clearly are the ones that get to shape the futures of the world we live in.

They are the visionaries and the entrepreneurs, the psychologists and the sociologists. Words are the engineers and architects, the designers and the developers, the you’s and the me’s. Words are everything and we should all have them as friends.

You should learn to play with them regularly. Because the more time you spend with words, the more power those words will give you in return.

You should learn to respect and revere them. Listen, read, and hear them. You should find a way to explore new things because each new experience leads to new words, which then become stories, that then become you.

But what do I know, after all, these are only words.

In this episode of RayDO uncensored:

Arturo Santos Jr., author of a the book “All Out For Love,” joins us in studio as we discuss going all out to keep the people that we love in our loves and the stories of falling flat on our faces along the way.

In his new book Arturo takes on his quest to win back a lost lover after almost a year of being apart. We dissect the motives behind the book, real-life romantic strategy and I prod Arturo to try and get him to spoil the ending of his book.

I didn’t just want to have him on the show to sell his book, so we dive deep in to our personal philosophies on love and relationships in general. We expose some of our personal experiences and I talk about my painful divorce and where it has left me in the world of women.

We dive into both of our romantic pasts as we dissect what it takes to fall in love, be in love and stay in love. Something I am not sure I actually have a grasp on so honestly, proceed with caution. We’re just a couple of deep thinkers breaking down our own relationships and talking about what we think it means to go all out for love.

Resources mentioned in this podcast

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Even This One

Seriously, put down your digital device and grab your work boots. You will find no shortcuts to success here.

Okay, I’ll be honest. I’ve read lots of motivational articles, and watched lots of motivational videos.

Hell, I’m sort of writing one right now.

And they’ve been really great for getting through tough times in my work and life in general. They’ve helped me a lot. In the past two years I’ve come so far in my craft (I’m a concept artist and illustrator) that at times I can hardly believe it. But, I still have a long way to go too.

But…

The people who I am addressing right now are the people that the videos, books, articles, etc., didn’t work for.

It really is a cruel trick, isn’t it? That these things, when you read, watch or listen to them, really make you feel like everything is coming together so nicely—they make you feel like you’re being given a nice stern talk, and you needed to hear it. You’re going to change, and work hard. Because working hard (as they say) is the only way to get to where you want to be. Sounds legit.

When you step away from the motivational pep talk, feeling rather good about yourself and how you’ve seen everything anew, sooner or later you are faced with one of those situations that we all hate to be in—your alarm goes off at 5 A.M. because you were going to start doing things differently, but you hit snooze. Just once. Then twice. Then eight or nine times. You feel a little guilty but it’s no big deal, it’s not like you can’t get work done later in the day.

Or, maybe you see someone online whose skills completely wow you; they have that thing, that oh-so-awesome talent that you wish you could have! But you get discouraged and decide to take a little break to watch some TV. It’s not like you could hold yourself to that standard anyway. It’s just not realistic. Plus, you can’t work like a dog all the time right?

Your friend asks you out to get drinks, and who wouldn’t accept? But you know you haven’t yet accomplished what you set out to do today… oh well. This is a special occasion, can’t beat yourself up about it. You don’t want to be a workaholic.

By the time a week has gone by, everything has gotten back to its usual comings and goings.

You feel disappointed, having acquired this new found motivation only days before. You were going to surprise and impress them all, the world was yours, your problems seemed silly little things that didn’t need to be fretted over…

By God, you were a bloody winner. And no one could tell you differently.

So…what happened?

You haven’t changed at all.

But why? It’s not fair that it’s so hard for you to find the right answers, the winning philosophies. So, you go back to searching for that one trick, the one all-encompassing mantra that can push you full steam ahead to get you to the dream job, or have the dream skill.

If this sounds like you… then stop looking. Because what you seek is impossible to find.

You want all the reward, and none of the difficulty. You want the buy-out; the most “efficient” way to get to the place you want to be, with a job you love that pays six figures that all your friends are jealous of. Right? Or maybe you’ve convinced yourself that’s just a fantasy, like winning the lottery. So you scuttle around trying to find your “winning ticket” because that seems the most likely way you’ll get to be where you want in life.

Stop.

Stop looking for a shortcut, a magical video or website that will tell you the SECRET or TIP that you are looking for, and read this carefully: give up on finding it. NEVER look for it again.

Think about whatever goals you’re trying to find the motivation to achieve in your life.

Think specifics.

Now slow down, take a deep, deliberate breath, and count to five. Exhale. Feeling better? Good. Now drop everything and get to work.

I don’t care where you are or what you are doing. You might even need to stop reading this article if you don’t trust yourself to do so at the end of it.

Start right now.

The most out-of-your-comfort-zone route you can think of that you normally wouldn’t even consider, preferably (nothing too physically dangerous of course). Even if you’re certain that you will fail miserably or that it won’t work.

Go to a figure drawing session and sit in a room around a bunch of people drawing a naked person, even if you suck at drawing. Go to the bar wearing a suit and meet people. Play your scales on the guitar—for hours—until your fingers can no longer take the pain. And then do it again tomorrow.

Because honestly, the amount of time you spend looking for and discarding the shortcuts is probably more than what you’d spend taking the hard road and actually getting something done. When you’re in a tough, uncomfortable situation, it’s sink or swim. It’s the fastest way to learn something.

(For the record, I am not saying that putting yourself in terrible, pointless, masochistic situations gets you good at something—completely not the point.)

The idea is, you can talk about wanting to be successful like you’ve been doing in the past, you can say there’s no point in putting in the effort because you’ll get bad grades anyway… or you can get in there and actually try your hardest, turn in every assignment, show up every damn day. Even if that means going through the cold freezing rain, studying for days uninterrupted and failing anyways.

Yes, you read that right. Prove it. Actually DO something and take the first step! Until then it’s just another thought in your head.

Wasn’t it Rocky who said “it ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward”? Something like that. Same concept.

Too many people are so afraid to fail that they don’t move at all, they stay fixed where they are. Moving forward and becoming great at ANYTHING, takes risk. And time. And pain. And failure.

Not just when it’s convenient either. Take a pass on that hangout with your friend and say maybe next time. Miss your favorite show. Get up early. That’s when you’re really tested—when you choose to give up the things you LIKE doing.

The victories are real and so worth it.

As my teacher Chris Oatley always says, you can’t steer a parked car. Stop being so victimized by fear and take a little pain, ‘cause that’s what it takes to succeed.

I know I sound like a hard ass, but there really is no secret to success, in any aspect of life. Though if the truth to this were a secret, it would be the best hidden one in the world, since no one wants to believe it’s true.

You have to do the tough, ugly, discouraging, real work to get better. It’s not sexy, it won’t give you instant gratification, you won’t see instant results. You have to never be comfortable where you are, and keep stretching yourself every single day, relentlessly. It hurts to tear muscle, as it should. It’s hard. It can make you cry from frustration and feel like you aren’t making progress when everyone else around you is. It can make you feel like you never want to venture out socially or fall in love again.

But, if you keep pushing through the pain for long enough (and sometimes just a little longer) then you will find the unwavering motivation to get what you want in life, because you know you can keep going, and never stop.

Only the man that digs can strike gold. If you give up, you’ll never even know how close you got. And that will stay with you forever.

You know why it seems like such a secret to everyone? Because no one else is doing this. No one, except for the kinds of people you aspire to match. They understand this “secret”. They understand this is a marathon, not a sprint. Everyone else gives up. Everyone else quits when they’re tired.

Everyone else is looking at motivational videos on YouTube.

If you want it as bad as you say you do, you have to be obsessed with taking another step, with pushing through another challenge even when you’re having a bad day, and checking off your goals little by little as you meet them. Obsessed with stretching your limits, in every aspect of your life. No matter how small or seemingly trivial the task.

Make yourself do it. Every day. It’s a discipline.

Don’t think you need to? Too extreme?

Maybe success isn’t for you.

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A harsh look at the ignorance that affects our society as a whole, and an explanation for why the powerful have no problem keeping you in the dark.

“The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum….”

― Noam Chomsky, The Common Good ―

We are all susceptible to the influence and power of others. We also crave to have it for ourselves.

We watch those who do, and all we do is hate. If we can’t have it, then neither should they. We are no longer taught to understand the power of the people so we forget what if feels like to have any power at all. Over time we start to believe that we have little or no power at all.

As a society, we have outsourced our intellect to a large group of social, political and financial oligarchs. We have given way to a new type of tyranny. Digital tyranny. A version that hides in plain sight and secretly wishes to take control of everything, including your behaviors.

We see some story on Twitter and take it at face value. We hear the satirical perspective from a social celebrity and let it shape our opinions and ideology, but rarely think to explore the topic deeper. We never read proposed legislation before it’s passed. Instead, we rely on those who wrote it to tell us how great this next new law is going to be. Instead we find ourselves fighting about left vs right, while both are nothing but wrong.

Most of us don’t know how governments are created, how they work, or how they are destroyed. Why then, would we notice that our own government is falling apart right in front of us? We pay little attention to other countries who are facing or have faced the same perils we face, so why would we pay any attention when it happens here at home?

It’s not that you are all stupid

After all, I have no Idea how smart any of you actually are. For all I know you are a 4.0 grade-getting, chess-club-running, pocket-protector-wearing, three-degree-having, bad motherfucker who knows a lot about something.

I’m just saying that in spite of all the things you know, you still have no clue as to what any of it actually means. And by any of “it,” I mean life in general.

Sure, you graduated high school, maybe went to college, got a job, got married, bought a house, had a kid, etc. But the question I want you to ask yourself is this; what do you really know about any of it? What is your purpose in life? Other than to exist that is?

“Men are more easily governed through their vices than through their virtues.”

― Napoleon ―

We’ve been trained to be idiots

You can use the word interchangeably if you’d like. Slaves, surfs, peasants, proletariat, or whatever popular label you’d like to put on the purposely oppressed people that have populated this planet over the years.

The powers that be have always controlled the people through the flow of information and we are all to happy to accept their projections as our realities. We are happy to have a place to lay our heads and we take for granted the responsibility of what it means to live in a free country.

So many people walk around thinking they know something about anything, but in reality, all they know are the things they think the know. And really, what kind of benchmark is that for understanding anything in life?

What would the world be like if all that we needed to do to flourish and to understand it was to sit around and watch? At what point are you going to admit to yourself that in order to accomplish anything, you have to go out and do something? You must learn to experience and influence the people and the world around you in order to truly elevate your intellect?

That’s the way the world works. Someone has an idea, then they do something about it and in the process of building, refining and distributing that idea, they convert it into a reality. Often creating something from nothing.

The problem is that inside of that growth comes power and with that power comes perversion.

As we begin to create and manipulate the methods of information distribution (governments, religions, businesses), power shifts to the individuals who control and manipulate the flow of that information. Often embracing the structure and benefit of power but repressing you, or anyone else from finding it for themselves. This is the problem that has lead us to where we are.

“If you are not open to the idea that everything you know might be wrong, then you are likely to be wrong about most things.”

― Raymmar Tirado ―

Think about the power that entities like Google, Facebook or the NSA have amassed recently.  All of the things we fear most about any of them are the invasions of our privacy as they manipulate the flow of our personal information.

We are seeing larger and larger power structures spring up around the flow of this precious information. As if information were becoming the ultimate and final currency. One that gives the bearer the power to control entire civilizations, regardless of their country of origin.

The first groups of man did it through grunts and chest-thumps, cave drawings, swords and story telling. Then came written languages and and eventually books. Now we have radio, television and the internet. All results of technological innovation. All brilliant in their own right, but all easily manipulated for power. All easily used to exert control over the narratives that then become the societies we live in.

Every time humanity meets a new invention that allows for the mass distribution of information we see these fluctuations in social behavior. We see new influencers emerge and old pockets of power fade. Superpowers are born, then they die or adapt to fit in with the new technology of the time.

Publishing houses, media companies, news organizations, revolutions, wars, and even new governments, all born from the desire of one man (or a group of men) to control another. The advantage always siding with whoever has the best information at the time of battle.

Winners write the history books…

So who is writing the books that are putting the thoughts inside of your head? Where did you get your understanding of life? What experiences have made you, you?

Did you get your information from the same place as everyone else or have you gone out to find it for yourself? Did you ever stop to wonder why some things stay the same while others are constantly evolving? Is it because stillness is the natural state of the universe or is it because man has intended those things to remain stagnant.

It seems to me that the universe and nature itself is always changing and evolving, always adapting to the most efficient version of itself. Why then, have we as a society stalled when it seems we should have everything we’ve ever needed to solve all of the problems we’ve ever had?

Why does it seem like humanity is sliding backwards?

Why does it feel like we are regressing as an entire species? Why can’t we make meaningful change, and how come there seems to be less-and-less on which to rest our hopes on as more-and-more changes take place around us?

How is it possible that we are still letting the same flaws that have hindered humanity since the beginning of time slow us down when everything around us seems to be speeding up?

Is it really so hard to believe that the people who would want to control you would also rather you remain ignorant. They prefer you that way. It makes the process of keeping you under their control easier. This is what we must resist.

This is the unrest we are starting to see all around us. We are watching as the established powers, fight to defend their existing control over the flow of information, while new methods of distribution pop up faster than they can be shut down.

You are seeing information fight to be free but these fights always end in ferocious battles. Sometimes in the courts but often in cold blood. And every once in a while, in grand scale with a global war.

Their power will be protected at all costs and we must no longer be willing to accept that as our reality. We must wage this war of ideas now in order to stop the oppressive war that waits for us at the end of inaction.

In what America was just-good ever good-enough?

In order to drive any meaningful change you must be willing to go hungry, to be bored. You must be willing to be uncomfortable, to do what is difficult and refuse what is easy.

It’s hard to let your intellect evolve. It’s hard to admit to yourself that you have been wrong about the things that have felt so right your entire life.

It’s almost impossible to make those changes alone. So for most of us things will stay the same, that is to say, until they’re not.

One of these days the changes will affect you. They will finally make an impact in your life and your reality as you know it will be revealed as ridiculous. You will be left running and screaming for help as if the sky were just starting to fall. But in that moment you will know that it is already too late.

In that moment you will know that your ignorance has finally failed you.

What do you think about ignorance and power? Let me know in the comments below.

Eric Liu: Why ordinary people need to understand power

A friend sent me this video as I was editing this article and it goes right along with my greater point so I thought I would share.


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The power of mind over matter.

This is a short video about hard work and the illusions that we sometimes imagine when we see others succeeding or doing something we think we cannot do.

For so long I have pretended to be able to solve a Rubik’s Cube when in reality, all I was doing was looking for a specific set of patterns and then executing a memorized sequence of moves in order to make the cube whole again.

A skill that anyone could learn to do if they if they put their mind to it. However, any time I did this in public, it would appear that I was solving one of the most difficult puzzles known to man.

“They would never know my secret and the illusion of intellect is a powerful sword to swing.”

So often in life we give up on ourselves because we automatically presume that we are not smart enough, fast enough, tall enough or strong enough.Whatever the self imposed hurdle might be, it is usually set by we.

The individual has become weak and it is about time we started believing in ourselves again. It is about time we admit that we are usually the biggest reason for why we cant get anything done in life and then start doing something about that.

After making that realization, we can actually start to move past ourselves and towards success.

Video Script

I wrote the script for this video a while back and now that I bought my own camera you will start seeing a lot more content like this. Please share this with a friend and leave your comments below. 

This is my Rubiks cube…

I’ve had this Rubik’s Cube for more than 15 years.

Some people think that you can solve it by pulling off the stickers, but it doesn’t take too long to figure out that swapping the stickers isn’t a real solution.

When I got my first Rubik’s cube, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to solve it legitimately but then I discovered a little trick.

I realized that I could take the cube apart and reassemble it in the right order.

There! Good as new. No one would ever know the difference, that is, as long as I was alone when I did it.

So much for that little trick.

I was determined to find a way to solve the cube in plain site. I wanted to be able to stand in front of anyone and do something that no one else they knew could do.

So I went back to work.I spent hours trying to solve that damn puzzle, but I still couldn’t figure it out… until, I did.

I was searching for instructions online when I learned that there are a number of patterns that you can recognize, along with a series of moves that you can memorize, in order to solve the cube from any position.

I learned that there were turns and twists that would allow me to move a piece from one side of the cube to the other without disrupting the rest of my progress.

After a few months of practice I had it down cold, and for more than a decade I have let the world think I could solve a rubiks cube in under 5 minutes.

But why does any of that even matter? Who cares whether or not I can solve a rubiks cube legitimately.

What difference does it make when I am standing right in front of you solving it?

All that matters in that moment is that I can do it, and unless I’ve told you this story or you’ve watched this video, you’d simply think that I was solving one of the most difficult puzzles know to man.

So the next time you see someone doing something you think is amazing, something you think you could never actually do, I want you to stop and think about this story.

I want you to ask yourself whether they’re actually doing something amazing, something you are simply incapable of doing, or whether they’re just doing something that you are not willing to do?

Text on screen to close video

How hard are you trying to do the things you think you can’t do?

 


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The Importance of Learning to Control Your Inner Killer

In this podcast we explore the power of a positive attitude and expose the human predisposition to being controlled as a species.

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As always, if you want to skip over the introduction, you can do so by jumping to the 1:40 mark. Just remember, a polar bear will be left stranded on an iceberg every time someone does this.

1:40 – The Power of Positivity

Pretending to be positive is a powerful way to impact the world around you.

Most sales people are trained in the art of pretending to be positive but it is something that we would all be well served to learn. People underestimate the impact that positive thought can have on the lives of the people around them. Especially if you can find a way to stay positive on a regular basis.

When you understand that we all have problems that we are dealing with and that complaining about your particular problems does nothing other than push the people around you away, then you can finally start to see the real power of positive thinking. Even if you struggle with the execution early on.

Now, I am not talking about stupid, overbearing, goofy-faced pretending. I am talking about genuinely believing that things in your life are good and will get better. Start believing it or others will see it for exactly what it is. Fake.

The truth about happiness – Read the full article

3:09 – The slave mentality

Humans have delegated their entire existence to external controls. Everything outside of entertainment and the facade of education that is. We have given up on trying to understand the world around us and how it really works and instead accept whatever the popular belief is, regardless of how easy the truth might actually be to access.

We have given ultimate control of our lives to the government and we have become slaves to our elected leaders and the corporations that place them.

We are slaves to our lives, jobs, debt, drugs and on and on.

The perversions of our attitudes and over all psyches have been so completely corrupted, that we are actually satisfied in our slavery. The lack of individual accountability has put is in a precarious place as a population and the uninformed masses that make up the membership of that new majority are dragging us all towards mediocrity.

solving-problems-like-a-psychopath

“The world is a very dangerous place. Not because bad people do bad things, but because most people do nothing.” – Albert Einstein –

5:50 – It’s a cancer really

The distractions have been purposeful and direct. What we are watching sprout up around us, is the fruit of more than a hundred years of hard labor. The culmination of closet communism in America. Something that the whole world seems to be running from, while we  (America) run towards it with open arms.

The good news is that people are waking up to the truth. Every day people like you are listening to podcasts like these and reading articles like these to learn more about what is really going on in this country.

I think more people need to be reading and exploring the history our founding, where we came from and where we are going. Understand the ultimate fallibility of man and the inherent nature of large societies to self destruct. It has happened over and over again throughout history, yet we continue to accept it as if everything were ok.

8:10 – How to claim your superpower

Becoming bulletproof is important to finding your place in the world. Learn how to be comfortable in your own skin by finding beauty in your individual flaws. So many of us are worried about what is going on in the world of others more than worrying about our own world as a whole.

How to claim your super power Read the full article

A community of support

None of this is going to be easy. It is up to you to apply and execute these ideas as they apply to your particular place in life. If you want to dig deeper and join the conversation then register as an early adopter and then join us in the forums.

10:18 –  It’s not always easy

It is important to understand how powerful a shift you can make in your own life (as well as the life of others) by allowing yourself to commit completely to making these changes. To convince yourself that you are actually able to do it.

You may have to fake it before you make it early on, but I promise that over the time, you will love the new, freer, you. The people around you will love you more too. They will actually be able to see you. Maybe even for the first time.

12:05 – Let’s not pretend that pretending is always enough

Just pretending to be positive is not going to cut it.

Some days you may have to go to war with yourself, all on your own. Depression and self imposed hurdles are real, and pretending to be happy is never enough. Eventually you have to buy into the idea of actually finding fulfillment in whatever it is you are trying to do and let it consume you from the inside out.

13:45 – What if money didn’t matter?

What if we just give everyone a million bucks? Think about it.  It would cost pennies on the dollar compared to the level of debt we are burying ourselves under as a society and it would instantly free us all of the constraints of our current monetary monopoly. Or would it?

You might think that by giving everyone a million dollars, you’d make everyone rich, but what it would really do is expose the trivial nature of the mirage we call money. Imagine how devalued the dollar would become if all of a sudden, it was all actually spendable, by you and I, the average person.

Flooding the market with that much cash would expose the nature of our monopoly money. It would make the entire system instantly irrelevant. It just goes to show how perverted everything about our monetary system actually is, and why it is important that the average American do a better job of understanding the monetary policy that has enslaved us all so effectively.

15:50 – A cure for depression?

Disclaimer: I am not a psychiatrist and you should not take my thoughts as mental health advice. I am only offering my perspective, insights and personal points of view that has helped me cope with my depression personally. 

Acknowledging the dark thoughts and exploring the evil nature of your negative emotions is an important step in your development as enlightened individuals. You have to explore the boundaries of your positive and negative thoughts, if only in your own head, in order to understand the limits of what someone else might do without your level of control.

You have to learn that those dark thoughts and the crazy voices in your head are just other parts of you.You must learn to embrace and control them, just as you control any other part of your emotional interactions in life.

Depression can make that difficult but these theories can help. Take it from a guy who has struggled with depression his whole life. These tips may not cure your depression but they can definitely help you understand and manage it.

You also have to understand that these emotions do not define you. You can have these thoughts and know that they are not in control of your actions. Exploring these thoughts in depth is really the same as exploring the other thoughts and desires for knowledge that you might have through life. All a part of the insatiable curiosity I try to inspire with the content on this website.

18:20 – Solving problems like a psychopath

Embracing these thoughts and learning to use them as pieces of the bigger puzzle that is your life, can really help set yourself free. Many powerful professionals and personalities have characteristics that are common among psychopaths.

Buy the book – The Wisdom of Psychopaths

Knowing and understanding those boundaries will allow you to understand that there is real evil in this world. An understanding that can lead you to strength and eventual mastery of the thoughts in your head.

20:00 – Are you even capable of succeeding

So many times we are responsible for holding ourselves back. While the whole world is waking up to the idea of mass slavery, America (the one place on earth where people actually found freedom) is succumbing to a type of soft-tyrannical control.

21:10 – Getting fucked

It is your responsibility in life to not get fucked.

Not that I am excusing the people who are doing the fucking, but it is ultimately your responsibility to provide yourself with an adequate defense against all of the fuckery in this world.

Each of us enjoys a certain level of chaos, so it is natural for us to find comfort inside of a certain level of it, but more often than not, you are the very reason why you will never do anything amazing with your life.

23:50 – Why you should think about robbing a bank

Seeing the world from the perspective of a master criminal allows you to see all the angles.

When you allow yourself to see the world as if you were trying to rob it blind, then you can see where all of it’s weaknesses are masterfully hidden.

This is the same reason hackers are important to website security and why master criminals make great informants. They are uniquely qualified to exploit the flaws of whatever system they are tasked to sabotage, and then find creative ways to fix them. This is the very approach I propose  for solving problems in life. It is the reason for this podcast and a large  reason behind much of what I do.

I think the average person walks around this world completely clueless to what is going on and I plan on doing all I can to reverse that trend.

 

“We swallow greedily any lie that flatters us, but we sip only little by little at a truth we find bitter.”

Denis Diderot

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Why do we walk around pretending like the whole world is telling us the truth when most of the time, we won’t even tell ourselves the truth.

We accept lies every day. From the world, from the government, from the media, from our friends, from our family and mostly, from ourselves.

We tell ourselves that we will get-to-it-tomorrow, or maybe we’ll send that email later, let me just mark it as un-read real quick.

We have all heard the excuses, “This is the last cigarette. I promise…” or “I haven’t had that many drinks, I’m good to drive.”

The truth is that we lie to ourselves every day. Shit, many of our memories are lies. Our brains are notoriously inefficient at creating accurate records of our life experiences. Sometimes we just fill in the blanks for ourselves.

Over time our imagination can even shift our reality. We start interjecting our own opinions and begin to mold our own memories while re-writing the past. Eventually our new version becomes the truth.

We lie to ourselves about past lovers and romanticize the experiences. We dwell on that someone we just broke up with, someone we couldn’t live with, yet somehow, can’t seem to let go.

We know it’s over. It probably should have been over a long time ago but we can’t bring ourselves to pull away. We live the lie of love, and love to live the lie.

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We use lies to protect us from ourselves and to soften the blows from reality. We allow lies to excuse our behaviors. “Just this once…” because, “You know me, I never really do things like this!”

I’m not saying it’s right to lie, and I’m not saying it’s necessarily always wrong, I’m simply saying that it is. It’s hard wired into each of our brains and it is something we all do. No matter how much you want to pretend not to.

We don’t need to be taught how to lie, we just do it. We’ve known how to lie ever since the fist time we fucked up. From the first moment your mom looked at you with that face. The face that till this very day means only one thing. Brace for impact!

“I don’t know what happened…” or “it was the dog! I swear! Cross my fingers hope to die, stick a needle through my eye!”

Anything to deflect the truth. Anything to save face. But at the end of the day, we know what is right and what is wrong.

We all know what we should have done or how we should have done it. More likely than not we even knew how we should have done it, while we were doing it, but we still made the wrong decision.

[ted id=420]

Sometimes we even pretend to know what is best for our friends while we can’t even figure out what is right for ourselves. Something called the “Solomon Paradox” Instead of pushing ourselves to be the best, we’ve become ok with just “fitting in” with the rest.

We then shower praise upon the people who live inside of the very screens that stream the majority of these lies directly into our lines-of-sight. The actors and athletes, the affluent and the elites.

Forget working hard, just become famous. That’s what the cool kids are doing. Just do something silly, have sex in the street. Sell your soul to the devil and maybe you can get a spot on the next hot reality show.

We set our eyes on the spoils of those who have and instantly think of ourselves as the have-nots. We accept the lie of a level playing field and then lie to ourselves about why we can’t succeed on it.

We deserve our share after all! We want what they have and we would have it if only things were a little different. If only life wasn’t so hard and the world wasn’t out to get us! Poor, poor us. Whatever will we do.

Life is made up of these little lies. Things that you get to discover as you go. We love lies, fairy tales and falsehoods. We all pass them on, like a bad plague, from generation to generation.

We allow ourselves to be shackled by lies. Controlled by the system in which we live. For god’s sake, our entire monetary system is a complete lie. Digital ledgers of ones and zeros that for some reason we continue to believe in.

We lie to ourselves about why we can’t get a new job or why we can’t lose those last few pounds. Why we don’t have enough time to get it all done, or… wait, what was I saying? Hang on a sec, while I have some more fun.

The problem with lies is that they become complicated. One day you look back and you’ve wasted your youth, all of a sudden you don’t know which part of your life is a lie and which part is truth.

The world was flat, and then it wasn’t.

The sun revolved around the earth, and then it didn’t.

We knew each of those things to be true for hundreds of years before they were commonly accepted as fact, yet at the time, many still believed otherwise.

Like many before us, we have allowed lies to tear through our entire society like rust. Slowly eating through all of the structural components and now, finally out onto the surface. Leaving the entire structure weak and ready for collapse.

The truth is that our whole lives have been lies, and we are supposed to remain stupid. We have been played and will continue to be played until we decide to create the change we seek. Pawns in this game called life.

And sometimes those distortions lead to something good. Because well intentioned shifts in thought based on deeper understandings and new information, can often lead to great innovation; but sometimes it get’s out of control.

Sometimes that distorted reality can bring down an entire society.

Sometimes that house of cards collapses and brings everyone else crashing down with it. And you’d be believing another lie if you thought it was not happening again. Right now, and all around you.

And that right there, is nothing but the cold hard truth.

 

Why fitting in is not what it seems and why you should avoid it at all costs.

You see them all the time.

The cool people.

The person you wish you could be.

The people we all wish we could be.

We look up to them, want to be them, wish we could grow up to be… “Just Like Mike!”

The people who convince you that you can only be cool if you look, act and do what they do. Eat, drive and play like they do. Fuck, slut and strut, exactly like they do.

More and more in society we deify these individuals and prop them up on pedestals, in place of ourselves and our peers.

Instead of promoting the exploration of a deeper inner-consciousness (one where we might actually find ourselves) we promote a collective unconsciousness. One that that has infected our entire society.

We find ourselves entertained by our lack of education and enthralled by our erotic inclinations.

We exalt the men who make us think that in order to fit-in we must give-in. They make us feel like we should relinquish our thoughts and accept theirs instead. I mean, everyone else is already doing it. You want to be like the rest of the class don’t you?

You know who I am talking about: The politicians, corporations, large religious organizations etc. Basically anyone who’s agenda it is to manage the masses. The ones who hide their message in plain sight. The ones who tell us we’re wrong any time we try to fight.

They lurk all around us. Tempting us to give up our hopes in exchange for theirs. Convincing us that individual endeavors are arbitrarily inappropriate. That if you really want to “be cool” you’ll think about the collective. Sacrifice yourself for the greater good. Fit-in to get-in. You know the rules.

The basic concepts behind the game haven’t changed since you were in elementary school. The stakes however, those have changed. Dramatically.

Now we’re playing for keeps. We are playing for souls, and life-savings. For products and for professions. We are allowing our whole lives to be played like pawns in a game. Small steps forward, always at the command of someone else.

The cool people have always liked to collect other cool people. The “elites” always entice the masses with the simplest of notions. But it is the independent thinkers that live on the outside of their influence that make them worry. The ones who stand free from the restriction of their opinions. The few who think for themselves.

We make them feel uneasy about their intentions, even if their intentions are good. But take note, it is rarely the well intentioned who plead for you to “understand.” It is often those who would lead you astray that would have you change your way.

The cool kids are always worried about what brand of clothes you are wearing and the make and model of the car you drive. They want you to worry about possessions because things are beautiful distractions. But us? We ask you to convince yourself. We pass on our information and then suggest you look more than skin deep. That you make an effort to find the answers on your own.

We must not label ourselves on the premise of “have” and “have-not,” but instead on the concept of “does” and “does-not.” We must base our interactions on what each of us as individuals are contributing to society as a whole. Forgetting about how we can fit in and focusing instead on how we can bend the world around us.

In what way can you make a mark? How can you make the world want to fit in with you? In what way can you move the masses? How can you turn the tables on the establishment?

Because the truth is that the majority of people in this world will never lose a minute of sleep thinking about you. They will not care whether you are depressed and want to kill yourself, can’t get laid or can’t get paid.

Whatever it is that is holding you back is your own puzzle to solve. It is up to you to go out there and make the best of whatever circumstances life has dealt you. It is up to you to look at life and the world as something more to explore. It is up to you to make yourself impossible to ignore.

So if you ask me, (and I know you didn’t) I say “Fuck the cool kids,” those assholes always run away when things gets hard. Forget about fitting in and go find yourself instead. I bet we’d all like that version of you a lot more anyway.

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Otherwise I Won’t Grow

Why hearing the the harsh truth might be hard but it will help you grow. If you let it.

Originally posted by Sean Smith on medium.com

I thrive on negative feedback.

Sugar-coating never helped anyone, it only prolonged the inevitable.

The only road to change is through the trenches of truth — objective, hard-to-handle feedback.

I was blessed that both of my parents were incredibly empathetic, they made me stay humble, and still help me to this day. But they’re not afraid to give it to me straight.

One thing their empathy taught me was how to objectively understand the information I consumed, and take it for what it was, feedback.

“There is no failure, only feedback”

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If I was messing around and I got hurt, I understood that I shouldn’t be angry that I got hurt, I should have been more careful while messing around. If I missed a game-winning shot in Basketball, I wouldn’t be mad as if I was entitled to the win, I would reflect on what I did wrong and out-do myself the next time I had the opportunity.

This made me a hyper-critic of myself, but it has helped me more entrepreneurially than any other trait I have.

There is a beauty about objective feedback. Sometimes it hurts, but it’s objective, and it means something. If you can take negative feedback, even when you want to emotionally retaliate, it will do eons for what you can achieve.

If Gordon Ramsey came into your restaurant today and snatched the food out of your fridge, ripped up your tiles and exposed the mold, threw it in your face and called you a “french pig” would you want to punch him in the face?

Sure, I probably would too. But would you listen? You fucking better.

When you’re given blunt-trauma feedback, it stings. You will instinctively want to resist, because we are wired to take the path of least resistance. If you can get a hold of that though, not resist, analyze instead, think, meditate, then plan to make it better, that’s innovation.

Sure, Steve Jobs got pissed when everybody was up-in-arms over the antennas in the iPhone 4 not working when you try to make a call. He even tried to play it off like there was no problem, “No you’re holding it wrong” then giving out free cases to help the problem that apparently didn’t exist.

You know what he ultimately did though? He fucking fixed it.

First he got pissed, then he tried to find an easy solution, then he thought about it harder, then he ultimately took the overwhelming negative feedback and pushed out a better model. Everyone called it innovation, but ultimately it was him overcoming his own ego, taking the feedback right in the face, and making a change.

You have to seek out negative feedback. When you do find it, you have to accept it, and react to it, or you’re just being an idiot.

Elon Musk says when he is talking to friends or customers about any of his products at Tesla Motors, he seeks out negative feedback.

It’s a ritual for him.

“Don’t tell me what you like about it, tell me what you don’t like about it.”

So his friends give him the truth.

“That handle is a bit odd”, or “that switch is a bit off.”

He listens to feedback and makes a substantial effort to make it right. That’s one reason he is so successful.

When the Model S’s batteries were being criticized in the media as if they were fiery cauldrons of death and destruction, Elon instantly got his engineers to add a titanium hull to the Model S to ensure no more batteries would be punctured and catch fire (even though only 2 did, compared to the 200,000 car fires a year on gas powered cars).

The point is to seek out negative feedback, empathize with that feedback, be honest with yourself, then make a change.

So, tell me I suck.

But more than that, tell me why I suck, please.

Otherwise, I won’t grow.

Your Life is a lie master


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I am willing to pay whatever the price may be, for being unabashedly me.

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So… What’s Your Biggest Fear?

I was with a friend the other day, and as I was about to leave she asked me a simple question.

She looked me straight in the face, and asked me what I was afraid of.

She caught me a little off guard with that question, and I said to myself, “This bitch is trying to be my mamma.”

I couldn’t tell if I was bothered because of the nature of the question, or because I felt like maybe she could already see the answer.

I puffed my chest out like a proper macho-man and said, “I am not scared of anything!”

But then, I started to think

My heart sunk into my stomach as I came to the realization that I did have a fear. A huge fear.

One that I have trained myself to ignore, but a fear none the less.

But let’s back up for a second, I have a confession to make.

I am a total failure

I actually admit that proudly, and like to get it out of the way early.

I don’t usually lead with it, but hey, this is a blog, and not an HBO special, so I don’t have much time for character development.

I have failed repeatedly in my personal life, my professional career, and definitely in my political perspectives.

Quite frankly, I’m sure I will continue to make mistakes. Lots of them. I’ll continue to stumble, because this is the life I have chosen to live.

I will never apologize for being who I am or how I am, but this does not answer the question at hand.

I’m really good at faking it you see

I can twist you and bend you however I want.

The power of coercion is strong in this one. It has been since I was young.

Maybe that’s why I found the world of sales so comfortable. I felt right at home in a world where all that mattered was whether or not I made the sale.

It was easy for me

Living in a lie seemed normal. It seemed like everyone was doing it.

I’d do whatever needed to be done in order to get what I wanted. The problem was, I had no idea what I wanted.

Maybe that’s what led me to build a house of cards on top of all of those lies.

Maybe it’s that line of thinking that led me to believe that I could be happy in the life I was building, or maybe that is why I sat there that day with a gun in one hand and a phone in the other, wondering whether to pull the trigger or call for help.

Maybe that is why I am writing this article today. Maybe I was unwilling to admit it back then.

Maybe I was unwilling to admit that I was wrong, so I pushed forward. I pushed with no regard for the price that would one day have to be paid.

But that was then, and this is now.

That price has been paid.

In fact, I am still paying. It cost me 10 years, a wife, some strife, and almost my life.

It has pushed me to accept and reject many things about myself and the world around me.

It has forced me on this path that I am on, but this, again, does not answer the question at hand.

You want to know what I am afraid of now?

You want to know what I’m scared of today?

I fear that one day I will become successful, and the world will look at me as if I were a total joke.

I fear that one day I will stand at the top of this mountain I am climbing, and people will say that I lied, cheated, and stole to get here.

I fear that they will say that I hurt others in order to help myself.

I fear that the whole world will get to look at the person that I really am, and then decide to destroy me because they can no longer control me.

You see, I have faced all of my fears

I can honestly look you straight in the face and tell you that the only thing I fear anymore is finding out that I actually am a fraud.

That I am incapable of doing what I set out to do.

I am scared that at some point, I will have to turn back and admit defeat.

I am afraid to find out that the guy who “faked-it-til-he-made-it,” actually made it, and he won’t know that it is okay to stop pretending.

I am afraid that I won’t recognize success, and that I will keep on thirsting for more.

I am afraid that I will never find true happiness because of my inability to truly let people in.

I am afraid that I will be unable to realize that once you fake something for so long, it’s no longer fake, it’s just you.

I am afraid that one day it will all come crashing down again, but that this time I won’t be strong enough to handle it.

But even that doesn’t really scare me

Up until now, I’ve done this all before. I have been on this road, and I know where it leads.

I might not be able to see around the bend, but I have memorized the map.

I adjusted my approach in order to come around the corner just right: at just the right speed so as not to fly off the edge of the cliff.

I will make the turn, hammer the gas, and never look back.

This time is going to be different.

This time, I am becoming successful by being myself, and that is what scares me.

I am scared to be walking around this world naked – emotionally, and otherwise, completely unprotected, yet somehow entirely prepared to take the arrows and to face the consequences.

I am willing to pay whatever the price might be, for being unabashedly me.

There will be no shield, no barrier, no buffer between me and the real world.

No one to blame for my failures but myself…and that, my friends, is absolutely terrifying.

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What is your biggest fear? Let’s talk about it in the comments below.


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“There is going to be a new way to pimp people, and you and I have no clue what the ramifications of that are!”

Kyle Cross

Why the F**K do we cuss so much?

RayDO podcasts are completely uncensored conversations between myself and the people I interact with on a regular basis. My friends, business associates, artists, entrepreneurs etc. The people I think are going to help me change the world. I realize that sometimes our language might get out of line and we are testing this to see how you respond so please let us know what you think in the comments. Are we too vulgar? Do we use too much profanity? Please let us know what you think in the comments section at the end of the article.

Are you listening on Stitcher yet?

Stitcher allows you to save your place in these podcasts which helps when you are on the run or in the car. It also keeps track of which episodes you have listened to already and saves your place in each episode so you don’t have to miss a thing.

Grab the Stitcher app here

Meet MetroViking

If you do not know Kyle Cross… you are probably missing out. Do it now or continue exiting at your own peril.

Am I a journalist?

I hate the thought of being defined as a journalist, and I am definitely not unbiased so where does that leave me? I do not pretend that I can present news free of opinion, I just happen to think my opinion is pretty freaking easy for most people to get behind.

I do push people to discover the world for themselves and know who they really are on the inside but I also like breaking news and telling amazing stories. I understand how it could become a power that people would covet and I start to understand how the massive media empires might have found their way to where they are now.

The cool part of this medium is that you can help me get the story right. More often than not these stories become conversations among you and your friends. Most of the time I am jet trying to get the ball rolling and the conversations we share are the result of those sparks of thought.

My take-away from my time in the insurance industry

My time in insurance and how learning the back-end of insurance was getting to explore the inside of so many different industries. The complications of the sale, the size of the sale, the underwriting, the complexities of the relationships with multiple members of an organizations. Getting to see the inside of so many businesses gave me an early opportunity to learn from multiple businesses at a time while still standing on the outside looking in.

I also learned and developed the ability to understand and execute an intricate sales process. Insurance is a complex sale so I got to learn early on how to build meaningful, short term relationships in order to navigate the entire underwriting process. This was really a huge step in my developmental process because it allowed me to get a diverse understanding of a number of industries while trying to solve the same problem for all of them. It was really the first time I sold anything focused around an intangible item and that is a completely different sales than something the consumer might be excited to buy or an item with tangible value.

Why do I need to punch your clock

With the development of the Results only work environment we are finding that the corporate mentality is being broken and supplanted with another system of productivity. A system focused solely on the results of your work and not the monitoring of your efforts. Who cares if I can be more efficient than you? Who cares if it takes me longer than the next guy to do the work. I say pay me for the task at hand and forget about everything else. Pay me for the results I produce and forget about the rest.

Is this all a pipe dream? Can a work environment like that actually infect the current corporate climate? Can we bee freed from the time clock as a society? I have a feeling this is not the last we will be talking about this topic on Raymmar.com.

We are the future of search engine optimization

The progression of search engine optimization is shifting quickly. Having someone who can navigate the worlds of search engine results is very important and will become more so moving forward. As I build my audience I bring credibility any time I interact with you or your brand online.

When I mention people, products and services, they have the potential to take over the first page of search results pages. When I guest blog on your site you instantly get a bump because my name has authority through Google.

Believe it or not Google+ is going to become relevant in your online world. It will become your customized face for the internet. They will continue to force it upon you as they find a way to integrate with every piece of your life. That being said, content and authorship credits are now more important than ever and who is writing for your website is very important.

This is another concept that deserves to be dived into deeper and we will have more on these concepts coming up on the show shortly. Please subscribe and grab us on Stitcher to make sure you don’t miss a thing.

The tools I use to build my website

I am working on a detailed post on how to use these tools in more detail but for right now I wanted to let you know the tools I use to build and maintain my website. For less than $100 you can start building a website like mine.

WordPress theme: Lots of people ask me what theme I use for my website. So here it is. It is called the Enfold theme and it is absolutely awesome for the codaphobes like me.

WordPress: If you want to use a WordPress theme then you definitely need to be using WordPress so be sure and check that out.

Computers: The new official language of life

you can be completely self sufficient on your own with these little bits of technology at our fingertips. With the power of computer broadcasting anyone, anywhere can just turn on their own beacon and build a following. The problem is that in order to do this you must learn to speak computer. More and more this is fading away though and eventually we will all speak computer. Computers and human thought will eventually become one.

As we become more and more dependent on technology we open ourselves up to new opportunities at exploration of not only our world, but our brains. Very interesting concept and one that we will definitely be discussing more on future shows.

Are we losing touch through technology?

Because of this technological revolution, it will be more important than anything to have someone helping you navigate this online journey. Moving forward, a creative strategist will be as important to the success of your business as an accountant, lawyer, banker or any other aspect of your business that you currently rely on others to manage for you.

Do not diminish the value of the creative strategist as he is part sales executive, part psychologist, part marketing manager, architect of ideas and director of operations. We are the navigators of technology in a sea of information. We live in a time where information is created faster than it can even be processed. We cannot even keep up with it, how would you expect to?

You may not even understand the concept yet but competition online is coming for you and you may not even know about it so as a creative strategist we need to know design, web development, search engine optimization and more. We need to be fluent in technology and engineering and that is a tall tale for today’s business owner so it is becoming more and more specialized. 

The companies who learn how to keep up will write the future of American economics. The rest will get left-out.

The misguided marketer

so many people claim to be marketers, designers, viral online monsters but then you look around and see that they are not really doing anything exciting. People with an idea for how you should build your online presence while not having built anything themselves.

How can you claim to know anything if you can not produce the results on your own? Are you only capable of producing as part of a team? Are you not able to execute your own initiatives? Why would I then want you on my team? I only want people who are capable of producing on their own. I will then take them and show them how to dominate as a team.

I often wonder if marketing agencies are great because of the products they represent or are the products they represent great because the of the people that sell them to us. Just think about that the next time you fall in love with some Nike advertising.

Regulate everything

Mechanisms for control. The government wants to get their hands on every part of your body. Smart grids that will allow them to regulate your environment, healthcare, retirement, and welfare is growing fast so soon we will see more than 50% of the voter base be supported by this government that has replaced religion, family and knowledge as the main support column for this crippled country.

Crippled by bureaucracy, crippled by regulation and stagnation of innovation due to a desire for indoctrination. The road we are on leaves us completely detached from any privacy and true expression of free speech. The political agenda and censorship through media.

We delve into these topics briefly but this is definitely something you can expect us to dive into deeper soon.

Next time with Kyle

We talk about the power of being able to manipulate images. being able to augment reality by overlaying digital interfaces for life that will eventually become wearable devices and later be implanted permanently. We are not far from a time where humans are able to plug into a machine and that is definitely not a discussion you want to miss.

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 Rebecca Merz takes us on a journey through conscious exploration with and without drugs

Disclaimer: In this episode of RayDO Uncensored, we cover topics ranging from mental health disorders to psychedelic drug use. While I do not condone excessive recreational drug use, I do have a unique perspective on some drugs and their power to heal and help develop the individuals who use them. If you are incapable of listening with an open mind, I recommend you go read or listen to something else.

Working at the Mind-Spa

Dr. Merz works at a place called Mindspa. Mindspa is a “Neuro-Disney” it’s kind of like a playground for your brain.

I have been on a quest to explore my inner consciousness for a few years now so I was instantly intrigued when I first met Rebecca. Her unique view on the world and the psyche always leads us to interesting conversations and I just thought I would let you in on one of them.

The exploration of consciousness

Is really a never ending quest… I can’t remember when my quest started but I have always been intrigued by the science of the world, desired to understand the universe, and for as long as I can remember, questioned the truth behind everything most of us take as reality on a daily basis.

I fell in love with cosmology and theoretical physics when I was 18 and that has lead me down some interesting paths of exploration. Some have come through the pages of books and others have come from other types of experiences.

You cannot get too far into the conversation about consciousness without someone bringing up psychedelic drugs. In this podcast we explore some of those drugs and experiences and we will definitely be talking about more of this in the future.

Not everyone should be out there looking to trip balls…

but… if you are ready to find out who you really are inside… I would recommend you at least look in to it.

It is one of the most eye opening experiences I have ever had in my life and I would recommend it to anyone who is ready to truly explore themselves deeper. Just know that this is not a toy and you should us extreme caution when experimenting with any of these types of drugs.

The board meeting in my brain

As I explore my consciousness, I quest to find a balance in my brain. With chemical instability in my brain and diagnosed depression, anxiety and more, I always struggle with how to control the voices in my head. Something I think many of us struggle with.

When I look to explore my consciousness, I talk about sitting all the voices down in a board meeting in an attempt to get them all on the same page. This is something that until recently I thought might be a waste of time, but the power of psychedelics has helped make that a reality, as difficult as that may be for some of my readers to accept.

Separating consciousness from the body?

How does that work? is our consciousness created in the brain? How can we best explore that consciousness and how is the best way to do it.

In this adventure we talk about my recent experience in a Sensory Deprivation Float Tank which was an interesting experience to say the least. It allows you to separate your mind from your body by equalizing the surrounding air and water temperatures to your body temperature. Couple that with the fact that you are completely buoyant in a salt water solution and your brain can definitely start to play some tricks on you.

The more you learn, the less you know

How does religion tie into what you start to question? Everything becomes a possibility and you tie that in with your own history and philosophy and it becomes a crazy road. It really is quire hard to explain to someone who is not currently seeking it or has searched for it and found it.

The further I get on this quest to understand the universe and world around me, the more I start to realize how little I actually know at all. This, to me, is the ultimate enlightenment. Understanding that we have absolutely no way of completely understanding the world around us.

“Our science cannot postulate that… maybe Quantum Physics can explain it?” – Rebecca Merz

While talking to Dr REbecca Merz, we even dive into some Quantum Physics and talk briefly about super-positions and trying to understand the physics of the world that surrounds us. We talk about our limited understanding of how things really work and that exploring altered states of consciousness might actually allow us to rethink the way we perceive the world and how we define what makes up reality.

These are just questions that I ask

Most all of my thoughts, writings and creative endeavors start out with a question. Exploring your consciousness and beyond is not different.  Whether you are using a drug or not, exploring the deeper meaning of everything always starts with a question.

  • What is the meaning of life?
  • Is there a God? – The meaning of life is always followed by this one. Followed by where do we come from. All basic questions when trying to understand your purpose in life. Can there be room for God inside the scientific theory? Wouldn’t an all powerful God know how to make that true? And, how could we ever pretend to comprehend what a God would be in comparison to our consciousness.

Imagine the difference between a human and an ant… now multiply that exponentially and imagine the difference between us and God. We would be no more capable of understanding the world in which God exists as ants do at understanding ours.

  • What is real? – Multiple universes, string theory, time travel, all possible in the realm of theoretical physics and something that leaves me asking all sorts of questions about what is real and what is perception. Especially after having your entire perception flipped on its head through some of my personal experiences.
  • Where do we come from? – Evolution or creation. Is there room for both to have some credibility? Does one person have to be right? Are they both completely wrong? Religion is an interesting topic and one that we will be diving into in more detail in later podcasts but we cannot talk about consciousness and separate it from religion all-together.
  • Why are we here? – Not just humans, but life in general. What is the purpose? This question always leads me back to what is the meaning of life. Really all of these questions all boil down to the desire to know as much as possible about everything so they end up wrapping into each other which can make it even more difficult to keep track of.

These are just a few. Most of which have mystified philosophers for thousands of years. Who am I to think that I might be able to understand or dissect such intricate topics but these really are the genesis for everything I do. My thirst for understanding drives me and the realization that I will never understand keeps me grounded.

Allowing yourself to look at the world through these eyes can be equally scary and powerful but it might just help you get out of your own way in life.

As always, we try to stay well rounded

Don’t like the topic on RayDO? I don’t really care, you can always turn it off, but, our conversations always end up taking us on diverse roads of discussion. We never stay on the same subject for too long as we explore how all of these things are interconnected and how they can affect your everyday life. Stay tuned all the way through, you might be surprised with how it all comes together.

Subscribe to Raymmar.com for more like this and be sure to grab us on Stitcher so you can get all of our new episodes directly to your mobile device.

The first episode of LizABoss ray.do takes us on an adventure through the hiring process.

Say hello to Liz. Much like me, you’ll either love her, or hate her.

Check out Liz Cotners website to learn more about her.

Liz is a career ninja who loves helping other people do what they do better. In this podcast, we dissect her bubbly personality and how having a positive attitude can help you get to your goals in life. She tells us that some people actually take her personality the wrong way; obviously someone can’t just be as happy as she is.

Are the people that judge you based on first impressions wrong? Or should you look deeper?

I’m no fool

We discuss the front that we all sometimes put up to keep people at bay. To stop them from really understanding what is really wrong with us on the inside. How we hide from the world, mostly in plain sight.

Getting high on careers

“I was so high and I kept getting promoted.” Liz explains the process of dealing with a fast paced career and then the shock of having it all fall apart on her. “It was such a high and a low” Liz further tells us about how she dealt with the hostile work environment and how mental health plays a role in understanding all of it.

We dive deeper into my depression and the medications used to treat it in my past as well as how I look at depression now. I talk about being unemployable and the HR nightmare that I often present to the companies I work for, and we weigh those negatives against the results I can deliver when I am given the right tools for the job and set free to solve the problem the way I see fit.

Is that the right or wrong way to look at it? Am I just stubborn or am I right in holding out for the opportunity where I get to call the shots and set the rules. Shouldn’t we all strive to hold out for the best version of ourselves possible?

Its all up to you

At the end of the day, it has to come down to your ability to deliver what you say you can deliver. You have to be confident and know how to sell yourself. Liz explains the importance of coming through on your interview and owning the product of you.

“You have to follow up.”Liz explains,” When you are on the job hunt, you need to make sure you follow up with people all along the way.” Her career advice is pretty straight forward but is in hot demand right now as a new generation struggles to cross the face-to-face communication and culture divide.

“Use social media to connect with them.” Liz tells us about ways to follow up with the companies you interview with. “Connect on LinkedIn, cold call into the company, whatever it takes. Find a way to follow up and network with the people that can help influence the decision making process.”

I sing Aladdin!

That’s right, I break into a song, as I try to interrupt Liz in one of her stories about her and her ginger husband. Right between that and muting Liz’s microphone I reveal some strategy about what we are trying to build on Raymmar.com and how I see the future of technology, social media and how I plan on breaking into that world.

Liz gets muted

As she brings up my least favorite networking organization I actually mute her mic. Right before we break into a discussion about the proper way to network. Should you belong to cult like networking groups or should you just network with cool people? Where do you find people to network with?

Networking is supposed to be about meeting other people, but forcing it in a structured format is not productive. I talk about the value of independent thinking, even when it comes to networking and influence building.

We talk about how thinking differently and learning for yourself can really help set you apart in the world but then you run the risk of becoming a target. Whether networking on a local or national level the dynamics for effective networking and relationship building are very similar. Be yourself, have a purpose and don’t be shy.

What the hell is wrong with a technical education

No one wants to go to a technical school… they all want to get a degree and pretend like a six figure income is waiting for them on the other side of that door.

Is that what we sold them? Is that what we have trained them to expect. Is that what our society breeds?

Do we encourage anyone to learn on their own anymore or are we teaching everyone to just read the headlines for their 14o character news updates? Is that the age we’re live in?

How can you not have a dream? How can people not see where we are headed and think about how to make a real difference. We do not teach people to dream anymore. To remove all restrictions from your mental path and at least envision the future you wish could be true.

We should all dream more!

We close the show by encouraging you to chase your dreams. To pursue your passions. Don’t be afraid to let your light shine! Believe in yourself and maintain a positive attitude and watch what you can do.

It works for Liz. It works for me, and I promise it can work for you. If you learn how to control your attitude, you can control whether you fly or fall.

Make sure you grab us on Stitcher or iTunes so you can take these podcasts on the road. And let us know what you thought of Liz in the comments below.

“What happens when both parties are completely corrupt and the ivory towers are falling down?”

A Little background on me and my upbringing

I am a rare breed to say the least. A breath of fresh air for some and a pain in the ass for others.

Unwilling to succumb to the status-quo, determined to bring about real change. Dedicated to proving that America is, was, and always will be the greatest country ever know to man.

I was raised in a Christian home by loving parents who emigrated from Puerto Rico in the early 80′s. Puerto Rican born citizens are automatically citizens of the United States but other than that, the similarities between my family story and any modern day immigrant are eerily similar.

My dad: was a poor country boy, who grew up in New York until he was 7 and then moved back to Puerto Rico where they lived with no running water or electricity. I’ve seen the house and it always blows my mind when I think of what that must have been like.

My mom: was the rich city girl (if you can call Guayama PR a city) who fell in love with the country boy. They decided to get married and come to the states for my dad to finish his degree. I was already in the womb when they came over. Apparently I was a journey man before birth.

They were on a quest to make a better life for themselves and open doors for their children that had never been opened for them. They were as lost as a couple from a small island might be after moving from their homeland, to a much larger city, learning to cope with the cold winters, and mostly just trying to figuring out how to survive.

We lived a simple life…

My parents took us to church most Sunday’s while we were growing up (against my will most of the time), but I learned the bible and its message all while rebelling in my own way.

I was a renegade from early on. I remember always questioning authority and giving my parents a hard time. You could say I was the text book case study on how to be a black sheep.

My sister is a few months and a year older than me and my brother is about 3 years younger. There I sat, right in the middle of a five person household, in a modest cape cod style home (with only one bathroom, I-might-add). The house sat one block away from some of the rougher neighborhoods on the north side of Columbus Ohio.

The rules I learned to play by

Ever since I can remember, I’ve played this game called life by my own rules. Running around questioning authority and pushing the limits of acceptability; often crossing over the proverbial line-in-the-sand which usually carried it’s own own set of consequences.

Most of the time, my efforts lead to a tanned hide at the hands of my moms favorite wooden spoon or my fathers leather belt which was branded with his name. Something he had picked up on a recent trip to Mexico.

No matter which of them was reminding me how much of a screw up I had just been, I learned early on that decisions had consequences. I learned that the choices I made, were not un-makable and that once I did what I did, I would get what I had coming.

“I know I have something special waiting for me when I eventually have children because of the nightmares I must have given my parents growing up.”

Sometimes I deserved every bit of the whooping I got, but most of the time, I deserved more.

How much have I really learned?

I can’t say I really learned anything because I still make all sorts of mistakes. However, the way I see the world is what they truly affected. I might mess up once in a while but they instilled good values. They taught me the most important things and left it up to me to learn the rest.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I can appreciate that tough love more than ever, as I watch a culture of idiocy sprouting up all around me, I wonder if I will do half as good a job raising my children as they did raising me.

There are so many children running around unchecked by neutered parents, unwilling and unable to be restrained. Entitled to everything, working for nothing and otherwise raising themselves in a society that becomes more and more unrecognizable as time goes on.

Lost, wandering around aimlessly, unprepared for the rude awakening that will surely find them one day soon. Unaware of the backhand that awaits around one of the next corners in their maze called life. The smack down they desperately need and undoubtedly deserve.

Growing up liberal, err… creative.

I have always been a man of the arts. I remember on one of our family trips to Puerto Rico as a child, my mom tried to bribe me with bubble gum to sing for random members of the family. I was part of at least 4 different choirs growing up, attended a Commercial Arts program my senior year of high school and would attend a prestigious design school to study industrial design when I graduated high school.

My mom would later tell me that at times she worried I might turn out to be gay… Me? I just loved to create and capture my ideas. First visually, then later through my words. It would become an addiction I would never break.

As a child I remember drawing all the time. It started when I was younger. I used to copy characters (X-Men mostly) out of the comic books I used to collect. One time I remember showing one of the drawings to my dad. He looked at it and told me there was no way I could have drawn it. He said that I must have traced it. I persisted and showed him the comic book I had copied it from. When he compared the drawings and saw that the scale didn’t match he had nothing left to do but apologize for telling me he thought I traced it.

My time as a liberal…

Lasted about as long as a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things.

I still remember thinking at one point, that money was silly and that people should just have what they needed and give what they could. I never studied Marxism formally but there was a time in my life where I believed in the ideology of socialism and the principles of communism. I think it is a natural progression in the development of a curious mind. The exploration of a truly ideal society is appealing to everyone at some level.

Even to this day I understand the appeal of that ideology. I understand the desire to believe in a Utopian society where people are always good, have everything they need and there is no suffering anywhere.

I quickly discovered that this utopia I dreamed of would be impossible to actually pull off. There is no chance for a perfect society, and there can be no equality in life, whether talking about outcome or income. America was the closest man will ever come to a true Utopia and we are doing all we can do to destroy it.

Later in life I would get an opportunity to chase my dreams, but I also learned early on that it would be the hard work that paid off in the end. The road would be bumpy and success would be no ones responsibility but mine.

I quickly realized that there would be no one there to hold my hand or make sure I didn’t get hurt in life. There would be no do-over’s or mulligan’s. I discovered that I would have to fight, claw and suffer in order to truly be the man I thought I was destined to be. I learned that I would have to lose it all before there was any chance at having anything real.

A constitutionally conservative libertarian

I actually remembering helping my parents deliver newspapers early in the morning and hearing Rush Limbaugh on the radio. I don’t ever remember listening to it and I am sure I even protested it at times but that was before children ran all over their parents so mine just told me to shut-up.

It wasn’t until much later in life that I stated to really explore politics and learn about American History on my own. I had this thirst to understand the founding of this country and to understand other parts of world history. I wanted to know about the rise and fall of the other great societies that came before America.

I wanted to know why we were different and why, over the last 200 years America was able to grow technologically and economically like no country before it.

I am sure I studied the constitution growing up, and I’m sure I even memorized the preamble without ever really understanding what it meant. But, for some reason, at this point in my life, I had a genuine desire to know more about what it all really meant. I wanted to understand the political and ideological philosophy of the great leaders and nation builders of the past.

When I made the switch

I was carving my own path as a freshman sales professional at a Toyota dealership in Bradenton Florida, and I was finally making some real money. I started paying attention to the world and wanted to understand business and economics.

These were all things I might have learned in college… had I stuck it out. Instead, I would be forced to discover my own path. I would explore the world for myself and appreciate what it meant to live in a free country. I decided early on that I wanted to be my own king and build my own castle.

I learned to learn, and I learned to love it. I read book-after-book, not only discovering the foundation of this country but the demise of other great nations throughout history.

I wanted to understand the background for what is now the progressive political movement in America. The spawn of Marxism, Communism and Fascism. A movement that has been patiently executing a long-con on the inner workings of our entire political system.

I wanted to know everything about everything. I finally stepped out of the bubble, started exploring for myself and learned that the world is an amazing place. I saw that there was so much to know and learn about it and the human species. So much to learn about our behavior and habits as social beings.

I need to understand how and why these behaviors are constantly manipulated and how they are used to move entire sections of society. I wanted to learn more about how we are socially engineered on a mass scale and why anyone would want to corrupt the most brilliant social experiment on the face of the earth.

I wanted it all.

I started learning about political philosophy and life itself. I mixed everything I read with my own life experiences and then started to understand why someone would want it all for themselves.

I started to understand why a group of people would eventually want to take it all for themselves and turn the rest of us into their slaves. Leaving us all ultimately unable to change the national decision making process by neutering the power of our entire political system.

I saw how both of the political parties had corrupted the entire system from the inside out, and how they desensitized everyone to politics as a whole. I discovered a religion of government being built right underneath our noses and that we were falling for it hook line and sinker. I saw that it was more of a battle to protect their power than to govern under the constraints of the constitution. Or even under the pretense of protecting the people.

I saw corporations greasing the wheels of a political machine that runs the vehicle of progress that is America. I watched them pervert the word progress as a whole and dictate the entire premise of any debate.

I began to see their master plan and started to wonder when they would finally pull the rug out from under all of us. When they would have enough leverage to pull the cloak over the entire country and finally flip the switch.

I wondered if we even had a chance to stop and turn things around. Whether we even had a chance to save the country I had fallen in love with all over again.

I’m still a liberal at heart

In the truest sense of the word I am a liberal. I believe in maximum freedom and limited government. I believe in personal accountability and even used to call myself a liberal until I realized how badly the word had been bastardized.

My Struggle with the current political establishment

I don’t really know what I am when it comes to a current political affiliation. At least in the sense of using one of their popular labels.

I am usually able to understand both sides of most of their arguments, I even think there are some pretty logical solutions to many of our current political problems. I am just utterly appalled at the current state of affairs in America. It seems as if we are incapable of playing nice with one another. As if for some reason the system was set up to get us to fight among ourselves. Almost as if they were purposely dividing us in order to distract us while they ran away with unchecked power.

They have lulled us to sleep and put us all inside of boxes. With their political labels they have branded us and we are to conform or be crushed. We must fall in line with popular opinion or fall under attack. As if for some reason, all of us should somehow be ok with getting put into one of their boxes and never speaking out.

We should all live under the name of one of the labels they give us and never question a thing.  We are all bridled in political correctness, unable to express an opinion for the fear of being labeled a bigot or racist. We are to throw common sense out the door and instead follow only their direct instruction. We are to trust in them with as much faith as any religion and we are not to ask questions.

I for one think that’s an utterly absurd premise and refuse to accept it. I am unwilling to succumb to the pull of one established political party or the other. In my eyes the political parties in this country are both irreversibly corrupt. Both sides pulling us towards a tyrannical state in which we will all be left at the mercy of our beloved king.

The only difference is that we will refer to our king as president. And his kingdom will be capital hill.